rain collector

Woo... i have the wallenstein's sleeper effect. Didn't know such a thing exist until i received an email from a friend. Thanks friend! Glad to have someone who understands how i feel.

Chan Mali. Sorry for the sudden break of news... Just couldn't find the right opportunity to tell you.

Maybe, i know why i'm easily emo. Why i was and actually am cynical. I think i'm highly insecured. I keep things to myself. Because at the end of the day, we'll end up being alone anyway. Not that i don't appreciate my friends but there's this internal struggle in me that it's very difficult to explain. And sometimes i don't see the point in sharing because, nobody can understand plus it's selfish and wicked of me to force people to understand my agony. So to all my dear ones out there, it's not that i don't appreciate, treasure or trust you, but somethings are just better meant to be kept to oneself. Not that i'm selfish or don't hold you in esteem but really, agony begets agony. So why add on to the agony??

to prevent yourself to get hurt, you build a wall to shut your emotions from others. The emotions accumulate, the wall faces extreme pressure, the wall collapses and you end up hurting yourself. That's another conflict which adds on to the irony.

But in a false sense of security. People rather have the wall than not having it.

chan mali just msned me saying it all make sense now... my blogposts and sometimes the stuff i've said. haha!

i used to loathe 'meet-the -parents' session. Since you can't have the complete, it's better to have nothing rather than the incomplete.

i can't blame mummy. She has the wallenstein's sleeper effect too. So this sets me thinking...maybe i shouldn't get married and have children in case i unconciously pass on the effect. Haha!!

huichan is asking me whether i see the wall in my room. Then go bang my head against it.

Sometimes, i feel like i have so much grievances to say but i'll end up swallowing them one by one eventually. Once again, no point saying... ... don't know where or how to begin with. Grievances are my property!

Why do i keeping picking on myself ah?? haha!!

AND AND AND... a part of me longs for recess wk, another part of me dreads recess wk. The amount of stuff to catch up with.

I wonder at the end of the sacrifices made, will there be rewards? you know what, sometimes life is so cruel, reward is just a scam to make people believe the impossible and toil for it. right??

Life is plagued with ironies, contradictions, questions, doubts etc etc etc...

Hai... can't help thinking life sucks...