dead beat

I'm so so so tired...

Barely have the energy to move...

I only have enough energy left to do some typing for today's entry...

I think it's pretty complicated how people of differing opinions can come together and be friends. In life, these people have to learnt to cast aside those differences and be friends. You know people had always said that it's important to put aside those differences and be open minded about such stuff. We have to learn to accept others for who they are. It's easier said than done.

I think the fault lies in me. It took me much reflection to come to terms with it. Why do i have to let others decide how i feel? I lead my own life, i have absolute control over my own emotions. Why do i have to get upset over things that i have no foot in? Most people can't change the way i feel, why do i expect others to listen to my opinion as well? I know i'm not perfect, nobody's perfect, why should i expect others to be perfect as well? I have no rights to force my opinion on others, eexpecting people to mete out what i say. Hence, it's wrong of me to feel irritated over such slight stuff...

I'd done what i should have done. I'd said my piece. It's up to the person to either follow what i'd said or simply sweep them under the carpet. My responsibility ends there and i have no right to butt into others' lives.

Do i really want to do that? Turn a blind eye to the obvious facts that nothing good comes out of it and people will end up getting hurt? Heck everything and not pre-empt others about the imminent danger...

I don't have the heart to see my closed ones ending up hurt. I will do what i can and should as a friend while keeping my temper in check constantly. I shall refrain from rolling my eyes cause it'll enlarge my sockets and one fine day my eyeballs will roll out of the dark hole into the pacific ocean and eaten up by sharks.In another words, my eyes will be gone case. I'm not confident till i can pretend nonchalant to stuff that will revolt me especially in the mid section of my body which is the stomach. My stomach is ultra sensitive and some stuff can leave me puking till my face turn purple and my toes go black. I don't think i'm a good listener cause i'll end up day dreaming or go puking in the midst of the conversation. I try to be discreet with regards to my emotions and refrain from bitching too much. Like what i'd said earlier, it's all my fault cause i'm not perfect...

What i'm positively sure that when the red alarm sounds and the sun turn grey, i'll be there at the end of the dark tunnel for my closed freinds. It's through pain that men learn. I'll drop hints when time calls for it but i shall not get upset when my hints are left uncollected or thrown down into the drain. Keep my temper in check. Once again, i'm super duper confident to give my closed ones the strength to carry on and bring smiles on their faces...

In the meantime, i shall continue with my whatsoever resentment or disgust i may have either bottled inside or flush down the toilet bowl.

Anyway, i'm bloody tired... I don't even know what i had typed above make sense or not...

My mum, aunty and cousins came to the bus stop to fetch me home. It's pretty amazing how this little act left me feeling all so fuzzy inside. It's like hot chocolate pouring over my heart, leaving me blissful and safe. I feel bad for neglecting my family these past few months since most of my time has been dedicated to the school.Even though i'm at home, i'll be either trying to catch up some sleep or holed up in my room doing my stuff. I think i'm not contributing as much i like to the family. The way they show their support and concern for me by walking a 6 minutes walk from home to the bus stop fetch me left me feeling emotional although i didn't admit when they pressed me on how i felt when i saw them...

As much as i want to be perfect, i'm also aware of my limitations.

Let's hope stress doesn't consume me like some kind of vacuum cleaner sucking up dirt...

I can do it!

Hazel, believe in yourself because you're not dirt...