rain collector

Guess it's time to put my own happiness first. It gets very tiring finding excuses and reasons for people. I'm partially at fault for causing things to become like this. I should have been more direct and forthcoming with my feelings. Now, i'll have to be the bad guy... ...

I'm not looking forward to the what i expect to be an emotionally wrought week. BUT I HAVE TO DO IT... no matter how reluctant, how hesitant, how unwilling i am in doing so. I have to do it!

I thought it was because i expect too much from people. Like what the old adage goes, the higher your expectation, the greater your disappointment. Perhaps, that's why i've been hurt repeatedly since young-broken promises, lack of care and concern, inability to provide to my emotional needs, the absence from a large chunk of my life. It gets to a point that i've stopped expecting things from my parents, it was then i felt better. After the point of letting go... ...

And i do bear grudges... once you've hurt me, unless you apologise if not i won't be able to let go or forget easily.

# it's ok that i wasn't invited to your wedding. I don't even know when was the actual date of your wedding. The first time i learnt about it was when i chanced upon your wedding photo album. Subsequently, i had to learn of it from another person. That shows how important i am in your eyes.

#when i said it was ok for you to married. It was meant to grant you the happiness you deserve. Now that i see you slogging like shit and your contributions is unreciprocated. DO YOU KNOW HOW IT FREAKING HURTS!!! F***ing asshole!

#You have brought disgrace to the family. It makes me realise we can forgive someone only when the person truly deserves forgiveness. Help must be rendered at discretion. If not, you'll just ruining the person's life. All the best in jail. Hope you'll be ashamed at how you have screwed your family up as you sit pondering being the metal bars everyday.

#Staying under one roof isn't an easy matter. One fine day, we'll all have to part... and the cruelest part of all, time doesn't come to a standstill. We have to move on.

#I believe in the inherent good of people. And i treat people the best i can. But when the person doesn't appreciate it or has no self-awareness. I draw the line. Sorry for being so cruel but i'm tired. I hate having to find excuses for you plus self deception doesn;t work anymore. Hazel isn't going to be a nice person anymore. No wonder people say it's tough being a nice person. I'm tired of having to ask you do things. Time to act on your own accord and time for me to act on my own interests.

I just felt like lashing out. My theme for next week is not to be a nicey goodie shoes. I'm going to put my self interests first. With the support of my family, dearest friends and Nga, i'll be fine.

Be brave!