Well... yesterday was a tearful day. I woke up yesterday to study and suddenly all the, deadlines, presentation, lab reports just whammed into me and the tears just fell.
Coincidentally, huichan texted me and asked me whether i'm free to meet up for dinner. i actually considered not going home because i hate squeezing with the after work crowd while lugging my big bag of crap to be brought home. Perhaps it was telepathy! that triggered her to sms me and we met for dinner at JP. Thanks huichan!!
Nothing can escape from my family's eyes. They knew i wasn't right the moment i reached home. Aunty talked to me at night while i was 'watching' some thai horror movie. She told me of her problems and told me not to worry about her. She said sometimes one just has to be selfish in life and heck about what others' think or feel.
The truth is it's gnawing at me. It has made me realise how cruel life can be. The harsh reality that true love doesn't exist. Even if it does, the percentage is very low. So low that it's akin to be considered as a miracle. I don't think i can get married in future. Not after i've seen enough horror, tragic, unhappy marriages to last me for a lifetime.
Are you tired? if you tired and feel like quitting, the whole family will support you. We won't blame you. even if others criticise or laugh at you, your family will be there to pull you up, we won't abandon you.
That was the last things she said before my dam started to break. i'm tired... like seriously tired... of life and school in general. I am running in circles. There's no end, no terminal, no destination. My heart to some extent had been frozen, my soul sapped, my energy... it's obvious. I'm living a life slightly better than a zombie's.
Seriously, i'm contemplating calling it quits. But, i know, the obstinancy in me is holding me back. Thankfully, i'm obstinate.
i walked in the rain
and i took comfort in it.
as the rain streaked down my face,
it was as though heaven was crying with me.
sorry for pushing you away... i've lost my voice and a part of myself...
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