rain collector

I'm really really sick of school's life. Imagine having to fret over hundreds of things in your mind... the feeling of being cooped and tied up. The constant struggle for air because sometimes, you'll feel so cramped that you can't breathe.

Sometimes, you wish to be optimistic but circumstances proved to be your stumblestones. I look at others' lives, i look at the people around, i fast forward my own life and i feel a chill down my spine. It just dawned on me that life's meaningless. Of course, there's meanings in life but generally if you were to think of life in an abstract manner, it's meaningless. You grow up, you work, have children, fret over children, retire, nth much to do when you're old, you're lucky that you don't contrat some age related diseases but still life's pretty boring when your childrens' all grown up or the unlucky thing is you contract some disease and you'll have to live the rest of your life in agony. No matter what, i still think that life's meaningless. Not that i'm going to end my life any moment. It's difficult to elucidate my point of view to others because they think i'm just overly pessimistic with life... haha!! (maybe it's true... )

And not to mention the tripping stones in life. Even if you get married and have children, that doesn't mean you'll be married for life. Divorce is like so rampant now... Oh... the extra marital affairs, the conflicts of views, arguments, quarrels... Maybe i'm just gloomy and pessismistic and cynical but i believe in love but i don't believe that love holds. It's like some fragile thing whereby one moment i love you and the other poof! it's gone and couples go their separate ways. Bye bye!! Maybe, i've yet to be proven that everlasting love exists. That's because i'm surrounded by too many negative examples that are compelling me to choose the path of being a lonesome naggy old hag in future. Old virgin. haha!

Anyway, coming back to more personal things. In the past, i used to wonder why those lovers on screen would say something that 'i love you therefore i have to leave you?' Then the actor/actress will bawl their eyes out and i would go 0.O" !! I'll be screaming 'SINCE YOU LIKE HER/HIM, STAY WITH HIM/HER LA!! WHAT SHIT...' And ya... i'll be screaming at the TV. (like 'they' can respond ... *rolls eyes*) Now i understand why people do that...

Of course i'm not referring to my own relationship... I have to be alone in order to preserve that friendship because it's really tiring living with someone who is of complete diff from you. I'm more of an independent, cynical old bitch. (the main word is the one in bold, the rest are just plain truth but not impt in this case) So in order to be friends, i have to leave her... Hai~~ How human relations work?? it's all muddled up! :(