Allow me to indulge in some self pity...

I'm such a poor thing...

I'm having gastric pain since this morning... AH!!!!

Friends are telling me that i'm stressing myself too much. Must learn to take things in my stride... i'm stressed la but not overly so...

My class was so 'fortunate' to be selected for MOE's survey. Question like 'do you like your school?' or 'do you like going to school' or 'do you find lessons interesting' or something along that line... my answer is ...
DISAGREE!

during PE, mrs goh said that studying is nothing. It's about overcoming the stress.

I hope i won't turn into a zombie... I'm trying to abstain from caffeinated drinks because reader's digest said that children should stay away from caffeine. It's not good for their health blah blah blah... i qualify for that because i'm still a child. which means i should abstain from caffeine...

AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

can u imagine the horror of steering clear of caffeine...

i want harry potter

I want Harry potter harry potter harry potter harry potter!!

Trying my best to persuade my mum to get me one but was repeatedly ignored... haha!!

i'm stressed...

i dread going to school everyday...

i'm beginnning to develop distaste for some of my tutors...

one tutor just assume we know what the heck is complex number all about and can do every single damn question in the tutorial. which i don't. I apologise for not being a maths type of person. Maths has never been my best subject since nursery. he refuses to go through some of the questions in the tutorial then... nobody dares to voice out their opinions in case he goes cranky and shout at us... I suspect 'mood swing' is one of the modules teachers have to learn in NIE.

another is breathing down my neck asking me to buck up for chem. tell me to ask more questions and such... don't always nod my head. said something like 'you always nod your head but end up your results not very good.' A big thank you for reminding me the fact that my chem sucks. Maybe i'm not a chem type of person...

so here comes the self-affirmation. Hazel, you can do it!! just got to put in more effort and focus!! jiayou!! 3 cheers for hazel!!

looking at the bright side, i have to thank to my tutors for their continuous 'encouragement' and 'constructive' comments... i'm all fired up to do my best...

oh ya!! i learnt this in GP. Inverted commas are used when the word is not used in a conventional way. sometimes, it means otherwise...

I'm so 'looking forward' to teachers' day!

squashed agar agar

Today is not a fine day...

first i woke up and my body felt like squashed agar agar. I couldn't even find the strength to lift myself off the bed... It's been like this since yesterday. yesterday was worse as i had dizzy spells. So, i'd decided to forgo school and stay at home...

yesterday's PE was scary! we had trail 2.4km run. i ran slower than usual. i suspected something was wrong with my body but still pushed myself on thinking it was just lack of sleep. It was until my 4th run then i started seeing stars... My vision darkened almost like what's shown on TV before someone faints. The surroundings became darker and i felt like i was on a sampan boat rocking on the sea... It was scary... damn scary... so i stopped running and dear mingyan came to my rescue. I was escorted back to the sports complex... phew!

During GP, my hands were trembling so badly that i couldn't even write my name properly let alone GP essay. I went to the sickbay even though i detest going to the sick bay because i think that place always has a funny smell... the bed sheets smelled funny too... eeyeew.. shall not dwell on it... but despite the odour, i fell asleep. But i woke up every 10 minutes... staring at the ceiling, loud voices of people, shuffling steps etc. while sleeping at the sick bay, i dreamt that i was chased by a cartoon dinosaur. It wasn't a real dino. Somewhat like barney the dino. Except it had longer fangs and it was yellow with red dots i think... i was in a frenzy trying to escape from the cartoonish dinosaur by trying to outrun it... what a horrible yet stupid nightmare...

i'm having horrible muscle aches all over... my mum said if i'm running a temperature, it'll be bad news cause it might be dengue. At that sombre moment when she told me, my aunt said 'we'll have to hurry up clear our house and check there's no stagnant water if not we'll be fined...' my mum and i thought she wanted to say something like 'we'll have to send her to the hospital immediately' instead she was more worried about being fined... That's what a family is for.... but still i find it funny... haha!

I don't think it's dengue.. hope not... i think it's just some lack of iron syndrome.

i'm a blood donor

I watched Harry potter last saturday. hmm... harry is getting hotter. The only disadvantage is his lack of height la... quite short. Haha! I think the show is pale in comparison to previous episodes... Too much details are left out of the movie... No quidditch this time round.. (sad) Plot is abit too dark and diffcult to understand for young children...

while everyone was off to NTU and SMU talks, we chose to boycott them and head for the library...

Four of them looked intently at their notes... (they didn't know that i took a picture of them)

I went for blood donation today!! Grace was there as well but she was not eligible to donate so i was left alone... i went ahead with it of course...

how it goes...

filled up a form with questions that are ahem! very personal like 'have you had sex before?', 'have you had sex with a homosexual before' blah...

proceeded to the doctor for medical screening and she asked the same old questions for double confirmation i guess.

The was off to test the density of my blood i guess. A staple sort of thing was used to prick my middle finger and blood splurt out ok... erm maybe not that exaggerated la but quite a lot of blood k... the nurse used a straw like thing to collect the blood via capillary action. The straw like thing looks like the straw used to drink yakult. She used that straw like thing to prod at my wound and squeeze my finger so that more blood gushed out...painful k... One drop of my precious blood was placed in a blue solution. Mine sank in the blue solution which means i was alright for blood donation...

waited for few minutes for my turn to donate blood. in the meantime, i was looking at the expressions of people. Some guys looked away and cringed when the needle was inserted into their arms... hehe! some looked wide-eyed with shock. Some obviously looked nervous... of course nervous la! i was nervous too ok.i'm human.

the nurse had a hard time locating my vein. Had to squeeze the stress ball real hard... next was followed by sterilisation blah blah and the humongous fat needle was inserted into my vein and immediately my precious blood gushed up to fill up the bag...

took me less than 5 minutes to fill up the bag. i had to continuously do the squeeze ball actions as the bag was being filled up.

witnessed a girl who fainted or somewhat on the verge of fainting and had to be escorted to i-have -no-idea-where by the paramedics...

in another words, donating blood is such a brave act man! I'm not trying to say i'm brave la... but u see...i went there alone. Grace left since she couldn't donate her blood and there was no one to accompany me... not brave... hahaha!

that was so byl... read between the lines, infer, think, think some more and you'll get what i'm trying to imply...

i wanted a blue bandage with smileys on it was got this instead...

.

.

.

.

Pink one with purple hearts

The nurse asked me whether pink was ok. Obviously i had to say it's ok although i hate pink and have allergy to pink frilly stuff... But it's ok...

had free milo after that to replenish energy. Of couse i felt abit weak in my legs. (i'm feeling weak now still...no energy like that)

Me and my pink bandage

yay! i'm so proud of myself!

Cool!!

I donated blood for the sake of experiencing it la... anyway, donating blood is supposedly a good thing... help save lives especially since dengue is so rampant nowadays...

to digress, durai (ya ya the one involved in NKF saga) got dengue! it was reported in a small section of straits times but still i saw it!! and burst out laughing... a case of retribution? omg! i can't believe i'm so morbid... where's your compassion hazel?

i strutted around the house in an attempt to attract people's attention to my bandage. Despite the bright pink colour, nobody asked except for my aunty and i lied to her that i engaged with a battle with someone and sprained my elbow. Of course, she didn't buy that because i'm a good and well-behaved person.

i deliberately walked in front of my grandma a few times and she didn't notice my bandage... i had to resort to flinging my arm in front of her several times before she noticed and called me a 'hiao za bo'. she thought the bandage was some bangle that i wore it around my elbow... all because of its bright pink colour!!

i had to point and fling my arm under the nose of my cousin before she noticed. she scolded me 'siao!' why the lack of concern ah?

the main reason why i want people to notice the bandage is because i want to describe every single details like needle pricking into my flesh, blood gushing out to them so that they'll get grossed out...

just a simple wish of mine... anyway, i managed to get them grossed out still by the explicit details...

donating blood was ok la... slight pain when the needle was poking through my flesh but otherwise it was considered painless. the effects would be lack of energy and feeling abit weak. No strenuous exercise, can't even carry my bag after donating blood cause the nurse stopped me from carrying my barang barang...

The bad part is this....

sounds like some organic compound

Iron tablets!!

i have to take one iron tablet before meal everyday for two weeks... eee... i destest eating medicine... *sobs*

U know...

You know i used to have a nickname...

Nur Hazel Bte Hamidah Muay Mao!

so long! fortunately, nobody calls me that now... if not i'll cringe and die...

Huixian touched my head today while i was engrossed with doing revision worksheet on organic chem in the canteen. OMG! i was shocked by her sudden action and i couldn't believe she had done that... i'm still stumped. was that huixian or did i imagine everything? she went 'eeww...' after touching my head... shortly after she'd left, janice walked past and messed up my hair... why the sudden interest in my hair? hahaha! so funny!

To janice and huixian: i haven't washed my hair for a week... sorry for not telling you earlier about that... be sure to sterilise your hands.

(The above statement is so so so NOT untrue... :P)

I rock!

self affirmation

Hazel is bright, hardworking, determined, sensible, driven, self-motivated, conscientious student.

Hazel, do something with regards to your chem!!!

My chem sucks. So i must seriously sit down and think through it. I want to get good results, enter university and have more choices... I need to mug!! HAZEL LIM!!! DO SOME SERIOUS MUGGING!! shit ... That's why i need self affirmations to keep me going...

I know my chem teacher is picking on me... he's noticing every nuance of my expression/ movement... The moment i let my guard down and drift off to lala land, bingo! he'll get the chance to embarrass me...(but i'm not easily embarrassed la since i admit i have thick skin) Do something to my chem, make miracles happen and let my chem teacher be awed by my fabulous grade. A** here i come!

During chem, we heard the fire drill and shot out of class thinking it was the real hoo-ha... in the end we were told that there was some problem with the fire alarm and there wasn't any fire drill intended. Dampened my hope to miss some time off lessons... at the same time, i felt quite foolish walking down four storeys and up again because of the cuckoo fire drill... stupid fire alarm...

PE was a torture today! first the weather was hot. i felt like a fat ass since i hadn't been exercising for long. Was hungry and dehydrated. Did alot of sadistic exercises that left my muscles shouting in protest. Plus i got a strict and supposedly sadistic teacher who goes all the way out to torture us... PE sucks. My tummy is aching because of too much sit ups/leg raise and crunches... WOO MAN!!! Napfa is approaching ... save me!

weekend end liao ah?

Why does weekend always passes so damn fast?!

I'm having monday blues...

Dread going to school. I don't want to get GP and econs papers back... i bet my results will be horrible enough to scare barney the dinosaur till he turns white...

School is so yuck!

i sound like a brat...

dun wanna live

Had class photo taking today! oh man! it was so embarrassing... shall not talk about it!! argh!!

today's an unhappy day. My chem result, like what i expected, sucks... i did a very qian bian thing. i smsed my mum..

sms (hazel to mum): i failed my chem! yay! sian...
sms back( mum to hazel): u wanna eat kway tiao liao...

Fail chem still can yay somemore... ai ya! i think i deserve to fail cause i didn't study hard enough. Instead of moping and swallowing myself in self-pity. Must as well face it, acknowledge that it's my own fault and live on... strive to do better and stuff... yay! I shall gladly accept the kway tiao from my mummy...

Mac's hotcakes!! This pic was taken before i decided to boycott macs ...

My pets!! CRABS!!

come to think of it... isn't it cool to have crabs as pets? they don't make noise, just blow bubbles and can pinch people that you don't like real hard... woo!! Oh ya!! crabs do not shed fur. Not happy, still can cook and eat somemore... Cool right? Chilli crabs... Woo!!

Home made rojak! wah!

Anyway, i think i'm going to fail GP. Confirm fail one... my teacher was telling me that most of the people who did the same question as me failed. die la! WTH! i don't want to get back econs and GP next week...

HENG PONG KUI!!! I promise i'll kill you when i see you around in school... EUGENE CHONG YAO CHUNG as well!!! KILL YOU BOTH!!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm such a poor soul... how on earth am i supposed to get out of this mess? Will announcing to the whole world that i have a lover already plus i'm les helps? *bangs my head against the wall*

i'm so disappointed in my bio result... i studied ok... maybe not very hard lah... so sad... I hope there'll be moderation to save me.

i don't want to get back chem papers tomorrow. I'll bring an oxygen tank in case i hyperventilate when i see my paper... chem was so damn difficult.

going to school is such a chore...

shitty life begins

Life is unfortunately going back to the shitty way it was previously. My shitty life is going to start from tomorrow onwards... No more half days and holidays... Tutorials and lectures... homework and tests... eeeyeew!! so disgusting... not to mention the horrible test results i'm going to get. I've booked an appointment with the shrink in case i can't take it and sink into depression or something...

i think my cousin isn't cute anymore... haha! she's all grown up and i don't think i'm accepting very well the fact that she's grown up!! Not the little innocent naive sweet girl she used to be. Her sense of dressing has changed, the way she thinks and carries herself, the way she demands for more freedom, the way whereby all good intentions from people around her sometimes fall on deaf ears. My little sis has evolved to become an angsty teenager and dear cousin me is finding quite hard to come to terms with it... it's scary to imagine that people do change. I'm missing the old her although i'm not too sure whether the new her is better or something? Maybe i feel weird that my little cousin is no longer clinging onto my leg and stuff. She's growing up and knows how to take charge of her life now... who knows one fine day she'll give us a heart attack by having a boyfriend. (when the time comes, i'll hunt that guy down!) ahem!

i took back one quarter of bio paper today. I'm going to say it's not optimistic. I bet with one strand of my precious hair, i won't pass. Come to think of it, i think i'll fail all my jcts. Life sucks right? when i actually studied, to fail... wahaha!!

I want to go arcade and play basketball...

busy

so busy lately...

whee!!

let me sum up the events of these past few days

fri: stayed at home and stoned

sat: met sha, huixian and audrey for lunch at TM! i miss sha...
at night, nearly all prime ones went to some ulu part of marina bay for dinner. EUGENIE CHONG AND AH PONG BULLIED ME!!! to ah pong: i told u... U look older than 18 la!! It was my second time trying out pool. The first time i played was with my cousins. Brought back bad memories cause i kept aiming wrongly and hitting nothing which brought tears to their eyes. But i think i did better this time... at least nobody laughed...maybe they did la but at least they didn't cry...

sunday: went out with my lover... she treated me to gelare's leh! the waffles damn ass kicking good la... ice cream not bad as well. Had fun gossiping with her. both of us were like two siao za bos...kept laughing at crazy jokes we'd made... whee!! lover rocks!! Anyway, we saw a couple holding hands at PS. There's nothing wrong with that right? except that the couple...both guys leh!! *gasp!!* obviously got something wrong right... i didn't know singapore's society is so open minded now... i think i'm living in a well. is it just me or what? The world is evolving and i don't know about it... I thought people like them will do that discreetly in the private vicinity of them home or some gay clubs or something... i know i sound like an old hag la... it's not as though i disapprove of gays/ lesbians and stuff... it's just plain weird and hair rising to see two adult guys holding hands and looking so lovey dovey. I swear all my hair was saluting to them... You know what lover and me do? we held our hands and tried to race up to them. so show off!! wahaha!

Monday: went swimming this morning! as a result, ive become darker! eee... i have obvious tan lines which i showed to everybody. i'm proud of it.. wahaha!! after lunch at century square, went to siglap CC for badminton! whee!! badminton rocks!! qihui, audrey, zhuang shu and pong were there. ivan came and played for about 10 mins before we left... Ah Pong, the pampered rich kid took a taxi home because he had a blister on his foot and he felt uncomfortable with all the water whooshing inside the bubble blister... ... pampered weird kid!! Take that AH PONG!!

I'm enjoying myself as much as i can before school officially starts and the results start jostling their way through to me... that will spell the end of me... i'm sure my mummy will wallop me and tie me to the gate...