i'm deliberately dragging time so that i'll be late for lecture and avoid seeing the weird guy...

Mood's still volatile and prone to changes.

I feel like a pregnant woman ravaged by hormones and would get upset over the slightest thing...

The biggest pain is to fake nonchalant and pretend eveything's fine when things, in reality, aren't going smoothly. Or, trying to mask your true emotions from others. Suppress until the dam breaks...

It's just a random thought...

Thanks to roomie for being there when my dam suddenly broke....

What can i do now?? Dragging time...

Oh freak! It's 1.42 am now and i'm still not sleeping...

It's the second time i've broken down this week.

Went to take a walk just now to destress. Met friends on the way who cheered us up by cracking super lame jokes. Stopped by senior's room for herbal soup that was supposed to improve blood circulation. For that short amount of time, my preoccupations were being swept under the carpet.

And now back to my room, a sudden sense of loneliness and impending doom hit.

HAZEL LIM!!!!! U NEED TO BUCK UP!!!

i feel so much like a cry baby....

i hate myself for crying...

How??

stupid me....

It sucks being emo but i can't help being emo... I know one should move on and not dwell too much on certain stuff... Must learn to let go and have faith in myself... Once again, it's easier said than done... Mighty grey clouds above me...

I think i'll die a horrible death for exams. I should start preparing for my funeral rites in advanced... ...

Mootood Lecturer told us that last year, a lot of our seniors got A for a certain module and here goes.. "in order to decrease the number of people having As, we've made this yr's paper harder. Of course, if you guys do well, i'll still give you all your As." Like WTH??!! Even my normally mild mannered, calm and peace loving friend blurted out the F*** word. I think without even bothering to lift a finger to try to make the paper harder, i would still find it hard... ...

Today's tutorials as usual, couldn't catch what the tutors were trying to say... I was totally living in my own world with a blanket of grey clouds over me.

And then... ... it slowly led to me being plagued by a low self esteem attack. My age and level of stupidity have a direct relationship. To elucidate better, the older i get, the stupider i feel.

jack of some trades, master of none...

This sucks...

i'm ok

Thank you Mummy, Alvin, Dave, Hui Chan, Mel, Mingyan and SW!! U guys served to remind me that i'm loved and things are going to be alright... Time to stop wallowing myself in tears.

It's so un-characteristic of me to cry... But then once again, it's ok to cry.

I'm going to be alright because.. i'm hazel lim hui ting leh!

Positivity, optimism, determination, grit, persistence...

Hazel shall learn to take things in her stride.

I'm going to be fine fine fine....

Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you ave crossed the mountains.
~Source unknown~

You have within you right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you. ~Brian Tracy~

Nothing lasts forever, not even your troubles. ~Arnold Glasow~

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

I can do it!!!!

Guess i shall stay back in hall till Saturday to finish up what has to be done. It's a matter of sacrificing nua-ing time at home on saturday.

JIAYOU!!!!!!!!

Accumulation of insufficient sleep. Dependence on caffeine. Feel like sleeping but can't sleep.

Exasperated, exhausted, tired, frustrated, moody, bad tempered...

Swinging swinging swinging...

I WANT TO SLEEP!!

BLOODY LAB REPORTS!!

*feel like crying and tearing all my hair out*

Freaking life...

Happy one month Anniversary!

Happy Happy Happy One month anniversary!

These are some of the reasons for me to smile.

Jiayou jiayou jiayou!!

There are so many things to ponder...

I wonder whether i can create miracles for my exams...

I wonder when on earth will i be able to see THE light in quantum theory, spectroscopy, thermodynamics and BS 104.

I wonder when lab reports are going to come to an end...

I wonder how on earth am i going to go about doing my term essay on politics

I wonder whether is it really ok when things aren't ok...

I wonder if i'm showing enough love and concern to people around me

I wonder is there anything such as lasting love & undying passion

I wonder if i can survive till i graduate

I wonder whether i'm cut out to be a bio student

I wonder where the hell is my ardour for Biology

I wonder whether i'll survive long enough to get married, have children and carry my grandkids...

I wonder... wonder... wonder....

i want to call my mummy badly and complain that i'm stressed but i don't want to make her worried about me

Hopefully, the quote that 'nothing lasts for forever, not even your troubles' still holds.

Was shocked to learn that Tablet guy quit school. Tablet guy ( i forgot his name) was this guy in my tutorial grp who always carried a tablet wherever he went. Hence, prompted me to nickname him this way... The moment Alvin told me about it, i was stunned. Tablet guy seriously looked like he was coping well with the shitty uni life. WHY ON EARTH DID HE QUIT SCHOOL when the person who totally should quit is still hanging on to the cliff with just her fingers. (the person is ---> *points to myself*) Sometimes, you just don't understand how people think and behave. Perhaps, there is this vacuum between how people think and behave...

Immature love says: I love you because i need you
Mature love says: I need you because i love you
~Erich Fromm~

Monday blues...

I'm not a major fan of lollipops and seldom do i eat it... Ate chupa lollipop yesterday did i realise oh gawd how i've missed it. Thanks Roomie for the lollipop. And no, i'm still not a fan of lollipop. Just that it's been a long time since i last ate a lollipop so it kind of triggered wonderful memories from my childhood...

I'm suffering from monday blues... ARGH! A colossal pile of things to be done... Finish two lab reports per week and two more will spring up. It's like a dreadful and never-ending cycle. Shitload of stuff shitload of stuff shitload of stuff to be done....

AND my long dreaded term essay for govt and politics!!!! AH!!! What can i write about? Erm... 'i'm a apathetic teen. I can't be bothered with politics and therefore this is the failure of singapore's politics because it has failed to generate my interest for it.' AHHHH!!!!!!

Stress Stress Stress!! I can totally visualise my whole head of hair dropping...

The disgusting hormones in me is making me feeling so emotional. I can have emotional outbursts anytime... Hormones!! AH!!!

I'm badly in need of a HUG!! *sniff*

Today's blog is dedicated for the good old days...

I miss my JC's friends...

Chan Mali, the girl who understands me and doesn't mind my weirdness and still

hangs out with me despite the embarrassing things i've done.

Great minds think alike clone!

Squeezing fishballs out of my face!

we smiled despite being damn shagged after road run

My lover, Sarah dear!!

Miss flirting with her.

Act cool...

huichan, me, jiaxian, cherylene

Caught sleeping in LT

Class pic

Caught whispering lovey dovey words to lover!

The 7 of us!!

The beach provided some sort of solace for us.

Whenever we were stressed, chan mali and i would go to the beach and chill out.

Miss having fun at the beach!

saying hi! to the beach..

For nation leh??

The tj wishing fountain. I've ever thrown a 5 cent coin wishing i would pass econs.

I wonder whether is it because of the miserly amount cause

my wish didn't come true

Let me clarify, i'm not a patriot of tj. i just miss the fun days we had

and of course my dear friends!

7 of us again!

Crying shouldn't be seen as a problem. It is just a reaction to a problem. Hence, it's ok to cry. According to experts, crying helps placate the emotions. So dear friends, don't be afraid to cry. So long as we pick ourselves up after the entire episode. Jiayou!!

Feeling nostalgic... T.T

HATE LAB REPORTS! F + 3 stars them! Deadlines deadlines deadlines. Two lab reports per week is a mojo killer. One fine day, i shall succumb and people have to bury me together with my incomplete lab report.

I'm caught off guard. I'm caught off guard. I'm caught off guard. I'm caught off guard.

By what??!!

The sickening uni life.

I can feel this canopy of emoishness descending on us. Could it be because exams are coming? emo emo emo.

Even though i'm not extremely emo now but somehow it's difficult to you know... rise above the fray and pretend that everything's fine. I can see the greying of my life. Emoishness is seeping in. Friends around are emoing too. Jiayou!!

Late at night, still awake and doing some shitty stuff. That's when the overwhelming urge to sob and tear out my hair comes. Since crying wastes time and it's foolish to waste time when there's already insufficient time, must as well divert my energy and focus on the things to be done instead. chop chop done and go sleep.

Mootood insect

I've been ravaged by mootood insects!!

Mootood mootood insects. ARGH!! The climax of the entire situation is that i've developed some weird and unexplainable allergic reaction to the mosquitoes bites. My right hand, right arm, right leg are swollen. Damn itchy!! So i'm constantly mopiko-ing (applying mopiko). During lecture, tutorial, in my room and even when i'm out for a walk, mopiko never left me. My beloved companion.

The lack of sleep had caused me to do damn embarrassing things. I was filling up my water bottle when i started to look around and stoned. During that milli-second of stoning, my hand shifted and the water from the water cooler hit a part of my water bottle and started rebounding and splashed onto my shirt. WTH! I had to carry my backpack in front in order to cover the unsightly damp spot.

Quiz is over!! I'm HIGH!!

Busy busy life

I'm a caffeine addict.

Caffeine=Legal Drug

Which means I=Legal Drug Addict

Legal Drug Addict-Legal=Drug addict

So to sum it up, i am a drug addict...

Woo la la! I'm supposed to get ready for softball but i'm still stuck in my room. Reluctance compelled me to stay. I'm tired ok...

Quiz this thurs and i've barely touched. It's obvious that i have this urge to give up.

My throat feels weird and i'm praying i'm not going to fall sick. Itchy throat normally will mutate to become sore throat plus fever then flu then cough... It'll suck BIG time if it really happens.

I'm sleep deprived. My eyes resemble a big bear from China.

i'm talking nonsense on a higher frequency and do silly stuff. But then, i've always been talking nonsense.

I want to go NTUC. Shopping spree.

Miss the wondrous feel of wind brushing across my skin and the salty smell wafting from the sea as i cycle down East Coast Beach.

Life is not a bed of roses

It seems like every family has its own problems. The almost naive idea that i had of my family as the 'model' family without much conflicts and everyone just settles in snugly and happily now appears childish. To delve in deeper, i don't even have a complete family to begin with. But i've adjusted and come to this stage of life whereby i'm comfortable with telling people my complicated state of family.

i'm emoing but not overly so. Just slightly emo because like any other humans, i'm resistant to changes. I'm going to move house again for some reasons. I've just moved house like two years ago. Moving house is a pain in the ass. So much stuff to be moved. Furniture to be bought or recycled? i'm not sure... My notes and textbooks should be sufficient to kill people.

A source of relief is that my aunty and cousins and grandma will still be with us. If they aren't living with me, i think i'll go ADM and row down the teletubbies slopes and pray that i break my neck. Not that i have anything against my mum but my aunty and ah ma are the ones who really brought me up when my mummy was busy earning bread and butter for me. I'm close to them. I've watched my cousins grow up and i treat them like my own siblings. Of course won't bear to part with them what...

I feel sad for my grandma too. The house that i'm still living in was bought in a bid to bring everyone under one roof. Now, my uncle wants to branch off and create his own little happy family. There's absolutely nothign we can stop to avert it or tweak the fact that he's going to get married in one month's time.

Nevertheless, i'm pissed because it's freaking one month=31 days=744 hours=44640 minutes. (it'll be extremely pervertic if i talk about seconds...) Like wow!! we can do so much stuff in one month. Move house leh! Not play play la! WTH/F!

My ever so mature 14 years old cousin speculated and told me maybe the woman he wants to marry is expecting and they have to hurry up take action before the baby bump shows. I think TV has corrupted her mind... or her mind is already corrupt from the start. I don't know...

Oh gosh! I'm stuck in NTU and all of a sudden so many things happen at the other side of singapore.

Stupid org chem quiz

I loathe organic chem!!

It's bloody frustrating when you study something and as you proceed to another chapter, you have forgotten what you had supposedly studied in the previous chapters... The perennial issue of studying and forgetting is getting on my nerves.

i had my first quiz on organic chem today!!

I couldn't recollect the stuff that i've studied in the midst of doing the test. So, i don't have much high hopes of it. Was pretty downcasted after the test. Not because i was emoing or anything because i can't be bothered but i was tired. zapped of energy... I'm ok now. Not emo. Not even touching the boundary of being emo. I'm not emo.

Two lab reports per week is killing! 1 comp lab report and 1 wet lab report. I have an accumulation of lab reports to be done. No choice but to burn midnight oil throughout the night. Have to finish 2/3 lab reports by today or rather tomorrow... whatever. But i have a colossal amount of things to do.

1) update blog
2) softball trg
3) take pics for IHG
4) dinner (it's an important thing ok!)
5) pa-tho-logy ( ;-P)
6) bathe (hygiene is important)
7) do lab reports till tomorrow

That's the result of not having CAs. Our lab reports will be taken into account for CAs marks. WTH! Stress...

One interesting fact: 68% of our brain is made up of lipids. So, from now on, i shall not complain that i'm fat because my fats are (i assume) put into good use. That is to build up my brain... Plus, fats in our body serves as thermal insulator. I'm being environmentally friendly by saving resources so that i won't need to purchase jackets to be worn for lectures. see...

During lecture, the lecturer was talking about contraceptives being made of lipids and Alvin immediately turned to look at me asking me whether i'm consuming contraceptives. OMG! Can't people see that i'm innocent, pure, chaste and most importantly, underage?

Why does everyone want to judge me?? *draw circles on the ground* WHY??!! *draw somemore*

Had hand delivered muffins! *B-L-I-S-S*

What we did during last friday's wet lab session: Extracting caffeine from tea leaves Had to boil the tea leaves and filter
Did everything at the fume cupboard

Filtered around 2/3 times...

The remaining tea leaves

I feel indignant about this... We were supposed to have comp lab session on Monday and lo and behold, we didn't have computers. Ended up four people had to share one computer. How pathetic it was...

Supposed to look exasperated because we didn't have computers

Cam whore... haha!

Mingyan and Alvin!

We did a kuku thing ok... Alvin had this mild intention to pon tutorial cause it was raining rather heavily this afternoon. I tried to convince him otherwise because for that particular tutorial, answers won't be posted and we had to be there physically to copy down the answers. Despite the melancholic weather, we pushed ourselves on to go for the tutorial. It was a pathetic sight seeing the three of us huddled under our own individual umbrellas.

We waited damn long for the stupid shuttle bus before it finally and thankfully came. The misfortunate part was the bus was heading for the terminal. We alighted at the terminal and Alvin had this spontaneous idea of going canteen b to drink bubble tea instead. So, in the end, despite braving the rain. Despite moving my ass out of my room very much reluctantly, we still ponned out tutorial in the end. haha!

I'm a ponstar!

The result of sleeping too much

I have 830 lecture tomorrow and here i am blogging... I'm supposed to be lying on my bed and slowly drift off to lala land but i can't. I seem to have an abundant amount of energy in me because i've slept too much. Slept at 12 plus the previous night and woke up at 9. Breakfasted and went back to sleep. (Please do not emulate me because this is the best way to gain weight) I woke up at 11 plus. Read through my notes on the disgusting organic chem while snacking on Pocky sticks. Feel asleep at 3pm which i attribute it to the after lunch syndrome. Woke up 45 mins later. And continued to roll on my bed. So what i'm trying to say is i'm not sleepy even though i'm doing retarded things like pouring water into my bowl instead of my cup but my mind isn't tired. I can only blame the retarded things i'd done on plain stupidity. That's me.

it's almost surreal that after being in a 4 years hiatus, finally someone wants me... haha! i thought my market shut down liao... it's almost surreal that someone can actually like a kuku like me... Like me for who i am... Ok... enough of the mush talk.

i don't know what i'm typing

i'm glad to say i'm blessed with wonderful friends who are protective of my private life. They don't reveal things even under several proddings of others. Zai! That's why i must emphasise that i'm damn fortunate to have friends like them.

This is a random blog. I don't know what to type. I feel like drinking chocolate milk but kitchen is downstairs and i'm just too nua to go down just for a cup of chocolate milk. Yups. I'm hungry but for the same reason, i'm just too lazy rolling on my bed and can't bring myself to go down to forage for food. I'm having backache. Must be the old sports related injury that comes and goes whenever it wishes. I can sleep practically anywhere. My mum and friends can vouch for that. I'm a sleepy nua pig.

i shall go sleep. This is like another senseless post by a senseless person.

Happy Children's day!

HAPPY CHILDREN"S DAY!!!!!

Feeling nostalgic... According to Chan Mali, today's MY day. I'm undisputedly young at heart. Let me think back wistfully to the good old days in primary school... During Children's day eve, our teachers would put up some lame skits. Of course, i'm not being critical here. The skits were really lame but i'm appreciative of the effort made by our teachers. If we were lucky to have a generous form teacher, the form teacher would treat us to pizzas. But, that is if we had a generous teacher... Some of our teachers would give us little gifts such as ruler, pen. eraser, notebook. Even though it may mean nothing much but somehow we were easily contented when we were young. Perhaps, it's the thoughts that count. My school would give us some food (tidbits or chocolates perhaps?) and yakult drinks.

it's up to us to create wonderful memories. I'm so going to get out of pulau ntu later and celebrate children's day. Ice cream and nice food later. Today's a perfect excuse to pamper myself! tadah!!