Lesson of the day: To be happy... ...

1. Learn to accept and let go
2. Live for yourself and not others
3. Control your mind and not let your mind control you
4. Be easy on yourself
5. Find ways to relax
6. Remember that your family and friends are there for you

The emo me is acting up again. PMS is at fault too. I was emoing on friday and was totally dying to go home. It was an excruciating drag because my lecture started at 330 and i had to wait even though i was dying to go home...

Why am i emo? Well... have you ever experienced that kind of overwhelming exhaustion. The series of things weighing down on you till you're struggling to breathe. And that you just want to pack up and abandon everything. Hide under the covers and shield yourself from the outside world.

Thank goodness i have a wonderful family who is astute to my emotions. My aunt sensed i wasn't ok the moment i stepped into the house. Maybe i was emitting the negative aura.

The points above were what my aunt had told me. I'm blessed to have an aunt like her. My mum as well for showing her concern but she can't provide me with the things or comfort i need. Not that i'm on bad terms with my mum but it's just that our communication is like... that...

Guess it stems from the fact that my parents are absorbed by their better-halfs. I felt neglected by them ever since i was young. I seldom share things with her. Therefore, she's less astute to my feelings.

not that i'm jealous now. As i grow older, i tuned out to that and just appreciate with what i have now. I know they do love me even though they aren't exactly the best parents. Together with the cliche 'nobody is perfect'... well... I'm really quite blessed and should stop complaining.

I've broken my resolve to be happy... :(

But i'm feeling better now (for the time being)... For the next bout of emoness, i shall try conquering on my own.

On a random note,

I want to go to beach.

I dread going to school.

I don't want sunday to come.

Thank goodness it's friday because i really can't stand another minute waddling in school...

I'm moody... like real moody...

Academics related stuff threatens to melt my mind.

I miss home...

I got tagged on facebook... and decided to do it since i'm bored and my boredom is further intensified by the fact that i'm doing my lab report. So well... here it goes...

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

1) I hate school

2) The only subject i'm good at is 'the art of talking crap'

3) People who do not know me very well think i'm quiet. (haha!!)

4) People who know me pretty well think i'm childish. (LOL!)

5) I want to go on a back-packing trip with my girlfriends someday.

6) I like to sing but i don't usually sing in front of people. Singing is only limited to the toilet and my room.

7) The food that i cannot live without are: ICE CREAM and chocolates and Pocky biscuits and bubble tea

8) When i was in primary school, i hated all people with the XY chromosomes and actually vowed not to get married. :P

9) i suck in mathematics. I can't do mental calculations and calculator is like my right arm.

10) I can do things alone like shopping, sight-seeing and eating

11) I eat pocky when i'm both happy and sad.

12) I'm scared of living things that are either six legged or cold blooded or have fins (fishes).

13) I'm hydrophobic and whenever i'm in the sea, i'll be pestered by the image of a shark following me. Or constantly think that fishes have brushed across my legs.

14) I actually quite like running (minus the bloody slopes)

15) I've been to shen zhen, malaysia, korea, japan, new zealand, Thailand, Hongkong, batam

16) I walk pretty fast

17) I like comedies, anime and horror movies.

18) I like watermelon and i just swallow the seeds because i'm too lazy to spit them out.

19) Best CCA days: TJC guitar. Yay!

20) I wanted to be a policewoman when i was young.

21) I always say the wrong things but are quite funny actually

22) I'm quite emo

23) I don't like people to scold me ah lian, bimbo, bitch. Can scold me anything except for those three. (i'm not bimbotic)

24) I have a fetish for bras. Can't resist from buying.

25) I have multiple personalities.

I thought this will take a long time to complete... but surprisinly no... haha!! Yay!! Here goes...

It's Chinese New Year!! Hongbaos, new yr goodies, delicious food, festive occasions. The perfect excuse for people to dress up and be happy!! Happy happy happy!!

I'll be going to some townclub for reunion dinner. Even since my grandma had passed away, the family pool has shrunk and my aunt sees no point in cooking for the pathetic few left so we had always eat out since. Looking at the bright side, at least i get to dress up and stuff. Chinese New Year is the only occasion whereby i'll indulge in my vanity. Haha!! :P

I love CNY!! well-deserved break from school. Time to rest and have fun!

When you cling onto something too tightly, you will be afraid of losing it.

irrational fear...

so afraid, so afraid...

A series of unfortunate matters... ...

My roomie came back hall on Sunday and in less than 15 mins, her slippers got stolen...

My mum's thyroid is acting up again...

Lizard hijacked our dustbin last night.

An idiot person called me at 7.37 am this morning and all i heard was an eerie baby's cries. It was abit freaky. That idiot called me twice. First time i just ignored. Second time i picked up thinking it could be urgent. After that, i couldn't fall back to sleep. Thankfully, i had 8.30 lecture and i was going to wake up anyway. BUT, waking up to a freaky scary baby's cries isn't very pleasant. I called the person back wanting to preach him and tell him to get a life. If he's bored, go Cambodia to build schools or something. Actually, i'm lying. The real thing i wanted to do was to scream into his damn ears 'WHAT THE F***!! Go eat shit la!! Can u please F**king well GET a life!! F*** u!!'

That was exactly what i wanted to say... i don't like to be woken up like this... really!!

The person answered the phone and there was this pause before i heard the baby's cries again. WTF!

I truly really honestly believe in karma. One fine day, i'm going to record the sounds of a tiger roaring and prank call the person back. That is of course much later. Until he has forgotten my number or had called me before.

The peculiar thing is songwei also got the same prank call. Same number somemore... The 3rd time was another foreign number and the person didn't say anything...

In the afternoon, mingyan also got the same kind of call but of a different number from songwei i think. The person also didn't speak a word...

I've checked the date. Today's not april fool's day. So is this like some random pranks or what? But it's too much of a coincidence to be random...

My aunt met with an accident. Thankfully, she wasn't injured although i heard the car was badly smashed at the front. Thank god really!! I can't promise i won't do any irrational thing if bad things befall on her.

Hopefully, the series of misfortune will just end here. I'll forgive the prankster but if he does it again. I swear i'll report to police. Haha!!

Au revoir!

Mum called and i was complaining to her over the phone that i'm freaking sian of school. She asked me what's troubling me and seriously, i'm not sure what's exactly troubling me. There isn't any major stuff which is like weighing on me but the handful of minor stuffs then add up to become one heavy bag of stones. (am i making sense?) Well, she told me she dreads going to work too. But she motivates herself by thinking 'if i go work, i'll have money.' And off she'll go for work. (my mum's so cute) She told me to find some motivation and to love what i'm studying... (that's pretty hard though...)

Thurs:
1230 to 1400-french
1400 to 1730-lab
1730 to 2030-lecture

1230 to 2030 with only half an hour break in between. Help!! Pray i'll survive...

At least i have something to look forward to tomorrow because chan mali is coming and we'll be going JP to shop. Yay!!

Otherwise, my life's dull...

Sometimes, it's not a matter of i can do it or not. But a matter of i want to do it or not... (finding a reason to make me want to do it...) i'm talking in riddles. Time for bed!

It's only the third week and i'm already feeling damn sick of school. DAMN DAMN sick. Even though i've told myself countless number of times to appreciate what i have now but somehow... i'm faltering

My new resolution is to be happy (without trying too hard though). It's ok to be emotional some times. That's one thing i have to learn. To know that it's ok to shed tears now and then. To be in tune with my emotions...

There are like so many things bugging me. Occupying what little space of my brain. The bad habit is acting- the tendency to think too much till it upsets me.

Mum and dad have told me not to stress myself. Just try my best will do. blah blah blah... How can i not be stressed when you guys are slogging so damn hard???

Most comedians have sad lives/ sorrowful pasts.

The point is that my emotions fluctuate a lot. I'm generally happy and can be damn emotional. Perhaps, that's one of the traits of a gemini?

And, i have a tendency to hide in my shell. build a barrier around me and isolate myself. The tendency to be reclusive.

How i wish i can be the immature kid. Abandon everything and escape to place of solace.

Just as expected, i've gotten another %%&#@%&(*(&^%$#^^##@*^#@@#^!) elective again!! Not that i've much expectations of getting an elective that i desire... well... i don't even desire any elective in the first place. My cores are already sufficient to kill me. It's like adding shit (electives) onto existing shit (cores) and in the end we end up having a shitty shit life.

WHATEVER!! This is so damn annoying...

(better stop here if not i'm going to start spewing vulgarities...)

I'm having constipated nose. I want to sneeze but can't sneeze out and ended up tearing instead. My throat doesn't hurt anymore but it feels dry... And i feel super cold. Blame it on the erratic weather...

My application to take the elect 'understanding singapore's society' got rejected again. Screw it. I listed down the elects i wanted. Seven in total, i got none. I appealed for 3 elects and i got none too. The moral of the story is :you can't always get what you want' ... ... OH WELL!! There goes... they can't blame me for being an apathetic, bo chap, oblivious kid. I wanted to learn more about singapore's society. I was so rah rah and enthu and passionate about learning how marvellous singapore's society is... OH WELL!! Not that i don't want to be informed about our wonderful society... It's just certain circumstances don't allow me to...

Anyway, the crux of the problem is... i need to have two bloody elects this sem. I'm dead... like so dead... that i wish i can just kill myself so that i can be 'dead' earlier... HAHAHAH!! (emotional outburst)

I'm disgusted and i'm going to watch happy-tree-friends to further disgust myself...

I'm miserable... Sore throat, flu and this overwhelming lethargy... I just want to curl up in bed and sleep. Roar! Ok... off to SRC for the HO opening...

Met KC on our way to CITS. He asked us where we were going and i told him CITS. He said he had no idea what's that...
Me: Centre of ...
MY: centre of IT services
Me: oh... i thought is centre of information technology...
MY: which is IT!

OMG! *faints* I wonder is it because it's the start of the school and therefore my brain isn't functioning well, causing me to say astoundingly stupefying stuff! i'm so ashamed... haha!! Or maybe i've always been saying stupid crap stuff all along without noticing...

Earth QUAKE!!
I've gotten myself an ostentatiously striking blue pair of shoes...
Huichan came to visit!!

I ate her tofu

To Huichan aka my loyal fan,

(i know you read my blog every single day without fail)

Firstly, thanks for your support (i feel like i'm writing some kind of fan mail... haha!)

FEEL FREE TO POP OVER TO VISIT WHENEVER U're FREE!!

As long as my friends come to visit, i'm happy! :)

i was molesting songwei! Yay!! Eat tofu again!

Anyway, i had my first french lesson today. Today is just the introduction part so overall it's still ok... Nevertheless, i'm worried. French pronunciations are really difficult! :(

Even though life sucks and coupled with the electives shit thing which makes it even sucker but then, my resolution for this year is to be happy! One more thing...i think i should cut down on my complaints. Be contented hazel! Don't let pessimism get me down!

Wallowing in self-pity

Dear Student,
After assessing the reasons that you have stated, we regret that we are unable to accede to your request.

Reason for rejecting the appeal : Thank you for your interest in the Modern Language Electives (MLE).

We are writing to inform you that there has been an overwhelming response to MLE courses this semester and all classes are running at full capacity. We will, therefore, not be able to approve your appeal for a place this time round.

Please register for the course of your choice next semester and to ensure a place, assign it a high priority in the registration system.

Ok... i'm screwed. This means i have to take french... I like french but i'm worried it'll be tough and i won't be able to cope. Plus french is fun but not when you have to mug for exams...

I should have stated that i have this strong intent to get married to a malay guy. I should have said that... ... Not i feel that malay is easier but hey, i'm in singapore what. It's easier to find opportunities to converse in malay than french. The only time when french may come in handy is when i'm ordering french cuisine. 's'il vous plait. pate de foie gras. merci.'

ARGH!!! I'm so freaking sick of uni life!!! Go and die! ( and yes im referring to myself!)

If goldfishes look as cute as Ponyo, i think i won't be terrified of them. Haha! Heart-warming and funny show. Thumbs up!

I've spent an overwhelmingly large proportion of my time in hall. I didn't expect the impact or effects would be so great. My family had nagged at me for spending too much time in hall which i would just nod in silence or argued back that i do not have a choice. Sometimes, i would mope and feel indignant, feeling that they do not understand me. Perhaps, they felt they had lose the connectivity with me since i was the first one who had set up the barrier between me and them. Now, i get to experience how it is like to be the one being shut out. And, i think i totally deserve it. It hurts. I hope it's because you need time to heal or cool down and not because i'm unimportant to you...

I'm painting my nail, blogging and refreshing the stars planner page all at the same time! I know i rock!! Camping for electives suck!

Wanted to go JP to buy stationeries but ended up window shopping for clothes with my roomie instead. Both of us haven't settled with our chinese new yr's clothings... we went to john little and both of us ended buying bras. HAHAHA!! I've finally found company!! Cause i always have this fetish of buying bras even though i have sufficient bras already but i just can't stop buying when i see a cutely designed bra. LOL! AND, my roomie has the exactly same fetish as me. We bought one bra each because buy two then will get offer. My newly bought bra has a cute cat on it. Ok... why am i even blabbering about this... i went to minitoons and saw this super cute massage cushion which i was so tempted to buy. 20 bucks for one. The cushion vibrates. Imagine cuddling it and feeling it vibrates your tummy, like how your parents used to blow on your tummy which tickled you. It's perverse to ask my parents to do that to me now but that feeling is well... pretty nice even though i know some will find me pervertic/lunatic/crazy/disgusting blah blah blah... Anyway, the point is i want the massage cushion... :(

I'm sick of camping for electives and i need to shop for new year's clothes. i must control and not buy anymore dark-coloured clothes. I have no idea what to wear for chinese new year... AH!! i need to buy a new fan for my room (not hall) because i have broken it. So my fan's head permanently droops downwards and i can't lift it up. once again, i know i rock. I need to spring clean my room (not hall). I need to install my printer (not hall). There are so many trivial things to be done.

I don't like my neighbours (hall's). They're indians and besides that they are super lam nua can.. This morning, roomie saw them opened their door and swept their dirt out onto the corridor. God didn't just create sun, earth, clouds, moon, stars, rain. There's something called the wind! So, we were greeted by a mass of furry dustball right outside my door. Freaking frustrating and disgusting can! Damn er xin!

I;m tempted to give up on camping... My finger is going to swell from all the clickings on the refresh button.

Electives fever!

I totally loathe camping in front of the computer hoping some random soul will drop his/her course which i want... ... I'm troubled by the fact that i'm elective-less. The new sem had already begun and i still haven't settled my courses and timetable yet! The feeling of uncertainty sucks.

SO, i shall appeal!

I'm appealing for malay 20104, BS 803 and another arts subject which i'm not too sure yet...

Reasons for appealing for malay:
I've become darker after ihgs. Based on past experiences, people would tend to mistake me as a malay after i've become darker. I'm so not kidding. I swear there were incidents of malay aunties speaking to me in malay or asking me for directions in malay when i was in sec sch. I hope i can have the chance to learn malay so that in future, when people speak to me in malay, i'll be able to answer and not look like an idiot with my lower jaw scraping across the floor, stunned and puzzled, don't know how to react appropriately.

In addition, i love to eat nasi lemak. i secretly habour this wish to be able to order the ingredients entirely in malay.

i actually though of saying this too...

My bf is a malay and i foresee myself marrying him in future. Hence, it's of paramount importance that i start learning malay NOW! Yes!! N-O-W!! So that i can communicate with his family and friends in future. My entire future happiness depends on this course. Please help grant my wish!

i actually did think of appealing for jap too. i have even thought of what to say...

reasons for appealing for jap:
i have this VCD titled 'spirited away'. it's in japanese. even though there are subtitles but you know sometimes, the meaning is lost through translations. I hope i can learn japanese so that i can understand the show and not rely on subtitles.

Guess what. I've been to japan before! I miss the food there! the amazingly soft and fluffy pastries. The delicious creamy ice cream. The fresh and mouth watering sashimi. I may migrate to that place in future. So, i hope i can start learning japanese now to facilitate my transition into the country.

This is so hair-tearing-ish!!

I thought i didn't take any pictures with a christmas tree last year. Lo and behold... Alvin sent me the pics... They said i look like tourist in this pic

Can't believe it's back to school time! i had butt pain just by sitting still for two hours during lecture... Gosh!!

Today's my second time seeing a komodo dragon within NTU.

New sem, new start, must jiayou and buck up! Cheers!

I'm so not ready for sem 2!!! *ARGH!!* Like which homo sapien will look forward to a new sem? Maybe some mutated ones but i DEFINITELY DON'T belong to that league.

oh well... i have no choice but to take it in my stride. I have to be more consistent and conscientious this sem. No more procrastinations and slacking. i've slacked too much for the previous sem, did a lot of last minute chionging, got myself all screwed up and therefore my results suck. I have to keep reminding myself things are different now. Last minute studying won't do any good to me. I cannot adopt the same mentality or behaviour i once had in jc and sec school- slack from the beginning then mugged like mad at the last minute. Plus, i personally think that the syllabus is so freaking tough now... i'm terrified really. Just by looking at different types of unicellular organisms alone is sufficient to send chills down my spine. Memorise memorise memorise...

This is what i'll be learning next sem:

BS 106-Biochemistry 2 metabolism
BS 107-Principles of genetics
BS 108-Molecular Biology
BS 109-Basic Cell Biology
BS 812-Lab

I have an ominous feeling just by looking at the names ... I really hope i can cope better this coming sem but somehow i have this nagging negative feeling... The pessimistic me that is pulling my emotions down... or perhaps this is what experts would describe as 'inferiority complex'?

Well!! If i can't rid myself of the pessimistic gloomy views, how on earth am i supposed to buck up? I just have to be conscientious. Revise every week, focus, stone less, study the textbooks diligently,review my notes. OK... relax hazel...I can do it!!!

In the meantime, i shall fill myself optimism for this sem. Even though i don't have any electives and i think it's a perfect waste of time to make me list down my choices since in the end, i still didn't get any elective, i shall not let it bother me too much. Hey! i'm trying hard not to be sarcastic... And my timetable sucks... but i'm beaming with optimism still...

Since i believe i can do it, i can!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!

It's true that in life, one doesn't need a lot of friends. Just a few good friends will do. And i'm glad i do have such few good friends. I'm blessed. :)

I'm stuck in hall and i'm bored... SEE THE CONTRAST OF OUR SKINS!! ARGH!! i'm jealous of Chan Mali!!

Anyway, i'm back in hall because i'll be having jcrc meeting at 8 pm later. Besides that, i have done something meaningful which was to clean up my room...

super messy table

not to mention, the dust...

Sian!!
neater... yay!

My room smells clean and sterilised thanks to dettol. i'm so proud of myself. I cleaned my cupboard, sort my clothes, bras, underwear nicely. wiped my table, packed my stuff, packed all my damn disgusting notes into one large black plastic bag. sprayed my entire bed with febreze, changed my bedsheet and mopped the floor. I rock! yay!

Since i have nothing better to do, i shall come up with a mock new yr's resolutions solely for entertainment... haha!

my mock new yr resolutions

• Lose weight (i think i more likely to gain weight instead. Haha!)
• become a neat freak (i've been trying that for yrs...)
• drink papaya milk everyday so that i can increase in cup size (the bigger the better! XD)
• become an ambassador for demure
• become a vegetarian ( i rather die...)
• do 200 situps everyday so that i can achieve a svelte figure
• culture more brain cells in lab and implant into my own brain
• DO NOT sleep/stone during lectures (think i'll take 1001 years to master that)
• get married and have children (HAHAHAHAHA!!)
• seduce a rich tycoon and become a tai tai (SW is gg to kill me...)
• cut down on my intake of pocky (must as well die...)

Dinner time! Bye! take a break from my nonsense...

According to today's issue of 'Mind your body', experts said that feeling nostalgic is actually beneficial to our health. 'depending on how it is embraced, they say nostalgia can be a healthy emotion that buffers people from loneliness and eases them through hard times.'

2009 had just started and i've already starting to miss 2008. i'm thankful for all the wonderful and unhappy memories of 2008...

Spent the first quarter of the year 2008 working. i used to dread working every single day because it's yawn-inducing and time moves like a trickle. I spent most of my time glancing at the clock, wishing hard for time to pass more quickly. When i was working, i missed school life. Not that i missed the studying aspect but more of my friends.we used to sit around the gleaming circular metallic table in the canteen and talk nonsense. Remember how the rattan chairs in the canteen used to give us rashes... haha!!

spent the second quarter of the year slacking at home and of course, pondering over which university to go. Initially wanted to take psychology in NUS but the fear of unknown held me back... Psychology is such a new thing to me. Of course, i had reasons for my own hesitation. Had a hard time deciding over which school to go to. It is through elimination method that i decided to take biological sciences. For the love of bio!! Ya..right... *rolls my eyes* but i was generally living like a pig at home. eat, sleep, watch tv, play computer. it was enjoyable... I'm missing that sort of life. Which explains why i got my chin chin aka double chin.

Since we were recommended into hall 14, it was mandatory for us to attend FOC. I remember dreading going for FOC, complaining about it because i know during FOC will definitely do a lot of crazy stupid things which i don't like. Now that i think of it, i'm glad i had attended FOC because from there, i had made many friends which kind of ease the transition into hall's life. i think FOC is more effective than any fad diet la... lost weight during that one week. Due to lack of sleep and the physically intensive activities like amazing race... haha! i was labelled the 'forfeit queen' cause i'll always be stoning/my reactions freaking slown thus always kena forfeited. And, there were many freaking embarrassing things i had done during FOC.

I can't remember exactly how i joined the DnD comm with my roomie. That should be how i got to know SW... if i'm not wrong... :P ( my memory sucks i know...) Somehow again, i managed to pluck up the courage to join JCRC even though i loathe campaigning because generally, i'm shy. even though i don't appear so but please do not judge a book by its cover. a person who appears brave may be doing so to mask his fears. the same reason applies to me. And god knows what retarded things i've said on stage for the QnA session. I have no wish to recall... by some twist of fate, SW also joined JCRC and that's how we got to know each other better. right? ( i rock. now i'm questioning myself...)

i remember roomie and i were gossiping in our room like what all other normal girls will do. roomie was browsing through some photos taken during orientations and she was introducing to me all her seniors. her cursor hovered over SW and she told me 'that's songwei' and i mentioned something like 'he's quite cute.' ( i bet SW will be damn happy if he reads this. some kind of bestest new yr gift ever.) don't know why i said that and why am i even blogging about this? oh ya... i'm reminiscing... from friends to more than friends... haha!

i remember the mid autum festival. The unforgettably funny chinese dance. Celebrating alvin's bday up at ADM. Romantic, touching, nice. I remember the beautiful lantern displays at chinese garden. That's when i asked the question much to my own surprise. (where on earth did i get the courage?)

Did i forget to mention about the greatest softball team ever? Team 14's softballers! Our 'never say die' and gracious attitude already proved that we're winners! Great job guys!

2008 wasn't entirely smoothsailing... had my bouts of emoness... Thankfully, i had lucky stars to by my side to support me.

Thanks to mingyan and alvin. both of them are the informed ones who will tell and remind me the things to be done. Without them guiding and helping me, i would have suffered a horrible death in ntu. i'm a blur mootood. a big thank you to them for their support and encouragements and all the fun and laughters.

Thank you huichan for being my listening ear, for encouraging me when i'm down, for being there for me. With that, i shall allow you to continue to suan me...

Thank you mel for sharing the truths and also being there for me. really appreciate the help and advice given frm you. Love u loads and jiayou! i'll always be there for u too!

And my delphi friends too. motivating and helping each other! delphi rocks!

Thanks to mummy for being there, never giving up on me, for her love and care and accompanying me without complaints even though it was 4 am in the morning. Mummy told me that it hurts her to see me struggling like this and for looking tired and pale most of the time. her voice kind of broke when she said that and my heart pained as well...i'm sorry for making her worried. I love my mummy!

Thanks to SW who is always there for me! It means a lot to me. My new year resolution is to become tougher and stronger but i've decided to scrape the idea. If i become stronger, you won't be able to act as my hero... HAHAHAHA!! (i can picture you rolling your eyes now) ok la... i love you!! :)

i didn't attend any countdown party this time round. I dislike the crowds. haha! but the fireworks were really spectacular and the i guess it's not as nice as shown on tv. Maybe next year, i shall go join a countdown party. Nevermind the crowd. Just to bask in the atmosphere.


Happy New Year!!