Was waiting for my roomie to get ready this morning and i picked up my book to read... Saw this quote 'Quitters never win, winners never quit'. Although, we have heard it many times, however, during the course, we would forget about it.

Trying my best to convince myself that it'll be fine. It'll be over soon. I'll emerge fine.

Push on no matter how tired i am... ...

Thankfully chan chan sent me classical musics because i hadn't been sleeping well these few days. To calm and sooth my soul before bed.

Oh god!! I'm in love with Asturias again! Don't think i'll ever reach that standard in my lifetime. Makes me miss guitar! :(

All of a sudden, I'm stressed... Can't stomach the thought that exams are coming!! OH FREAK!! Freak out freak out freak out freak out...

Seriously contemplating whether i should just stay throughout the weekend because i think going home is quite a waste of time...

That's the problem when you have too much on your plate, you don't know what to choose... ...

Someone told me that i should just believe in myself and the power of money. I've always known that money is power even from a tender age. However, i do believe in some of my family members as well as a handful of friends. But generally, i do subscribe to the view that i should believe in myself and money. Haha!!

I'm carrying the expectations and working towards a brighter future!! Jiayou jiayou jiayou!!

Like OMG i'm ranting to my blog!! My blog is ... (like what those psychological nuts/experts say) a channel for me to release my pent up frustrations. YARRR!! i'm pent up...

Blabba just smsed me saying we hadn't finished discussing our lab report the other time and was asking me whether we're discussing tomorrow when tomorrow's the deadline. I remember we did discuss vaguely the other time but because our results were wrong, we just KIV and whatever we want to put is up to our discretions la... It's like... HOW AM I GOING TO REPLY HER THAT YOU CAN JUST TRY DOING IT ON YOUR OWN??!! It's like commensensical what. You don't expect to waste everyone's time discussing when you're the only one who has no idea what to do. Sometimes i know, we have to help one another but it's like during discussions, sometimes she's the one who is in a loss... Because she didn't read lab manuals? Because she didn't read prior to the discussion? Because because because... ...

It's like so irritating can! Throw her into the cruel society, i bet she can't survive.

Or is it me being overly critical??

I've discovered i have low tolerance for such stuff. People like me should live in mountains and not in a civilisation.

That explains why i've sent my application for single room without much of a looking back...

Cruel i am. I know i know...

You can add 'stupid bitch' in your description of hazel.

As much as i want to escape, i know i can't.

I want to shun away from things but a part of me knows i want to be there by their sides.

As much as i want to protect myself, i also want to share their pain.

I have my obligations to fulfill...

Exams are near the corner and i foresee stress is going to haunt me like again.

I'm a coward for running away from things but at the same time, i don't want to be a burden to the already tensed up feeling at home by being an emo stressed up crap.

OH SHUCKS??!! What should i do??

To return to a tensed up home or just stay throughout in hall till exams...

Maybe i should stay next week as a trial.

I do not wish to be a liability to anyone.

I can only be a liability to myself.


Dad called me just now. Said he's taking a break from work and is going to malaysia during the weekend. He asked me whether i want to go which obviously i can't.

Times like this ... i want to scream at him 'YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH NOW??'

But it's no use.

This is the harsh reality of life. Painful and cruel, yet no one can understand.

That's how detached we are... ...

I think so too...

Pooi! I've screwed up both my quizzes today.
Pooi again!!

HAI HAI HAI HAI HAI HAI!!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??

Exams are freaking near!!

I can totally feel the clammy hands of exams reaching out for me...

Shit!!

Pooi again!

HAI HAI HAI HAI HAI HAI!!

I'm craving ...i'm craving... i'm craving... for dim sum. Haha! Xiao long baos/ char siew bun, egg tarts...

ROAR!! I'm want dim sum!! T_T

Mummy suggested going to thailand during the holidays. YAY!! i can't wait to go!!

Once again, i shall shout, 'DIM SUM!!'

Bonne nuit!

I have two quizzes tomorrow and you wonder what i'm doing here... blogging... haha!!

Pictures that are overdued... Sand-toe-Sar trip with the rest of qijiemeis... Me looking retarded as usual...

The classic pose my chan mali aka my clone

Imitate her...

Au revoir!

My lover!!

Inspired by bollywood show

Qijiemeis!!

I miss them... a lot a lot a lot. I miss the good old days in JC. During recess we'll go to the ulu spot beside the drinks stall and sit down there and talk. The chit chatting session perhaps played a remarkable role in helping me destress.

Sometimes, i very wish i can turn back in time and go back to the past... T_T

no no no i can't. All that i can do is to look back forlornly or dive into my archive of memories.

I know you aren't ok. How i wish i can go home and give you a hug. Don't do stupid things k! I love you!

Once again, i'm reminded that the only constant is change. Things don't usually stay the way as they are.

In the midst of all these, how do you expect me to find hope?

Alright, back to studies...

Slogan of the week: Be generous to Blabba.

Good begets good

It's just to gain good karma

Often, i wonder what's going on in the adults' brains. Is it a trend? The older one gets, the wirings of the brain just advances back-wardly?

If you can't keep the vow of "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.", the answer is don't get married. Don't bring misery to yourself as well as others.

Many times i've learnt to forgive and forget. Many times i've been reminded of how i've been hurt. Many times i've tried to let go. Many times i've cried.

Although the hurt is gone, the scar remains. Looking at the scar is sufficient to jolt back memories of the pain.

I very much like to acknowledge that i'm alright and face the world bravely. But my bravado falters. The truth is, i'm hurt.

I woke up today and somehow, i don't know how, i just know that a part of me had died... ...

You think that this kind of thing only happen in taiwanese soap dramas. No. It can actually be morphed into real-life scenario.

That happens when you're forced to grow up too soon. You can barely trace back the things you've missed.

I can only take comfort that i have people who understand. It means a lot to me.

The amount of tears shed is sufficient to fill up MacRitchie reservoir i guess.

Never in my life had i been so tired... that's because i've lost hope...

i'm just being fair...

Well... yesterday was a tearful day. I woke up yesterday to study and suddenly all the, deadlines, presentation, lab reports just whammed into me and the tears just fell.

Coincidentally, huichan texted me and asked me whether i'm free to meet up for dinner. i actually considered not going home because i hate squeezing with the after work crowd while lugging my big bag of crap to be brought home. Perhaps it was telepathy! that triggered her to sms me and we met for dinner at JP. Thanks huichan!!

Nothing can escape from my family's eyes. They knew i wasn't right the moment i reached home. Aunty talked to me at night while i was 'watching' some thai horror movie. She told me of her problems and told me not to worry about her. She said sometimes one just has to be selfish in life and heck about what others' think or feel.

The truth is it's gnawing at me. It has made me realise how cruel life can be. The harsh reality that true love doesn't exist. Even if it does, the percentage is very low. So low that it's akin to be considered as a miracle. I don't think i can get married in future. Not after i've seen enough horror, tragic, unhappy marriages to last me for a lifetime.

Are you tired? if you tired and feel like quitting, the whole family will support you. We won't blame you. even if others criticise or laugh at you, your family will be there to pull you up, we won't abandon you.

That was the last things she said before my dam started to break. i'm tired... like seriously tired... of life and school in general. I am running in circles. There's no end, no terminal, no destination. My heart to some extent had been frozen, my soul sapped, my energy... it's obvious. I'm living a life slightly better than a zombie's.

Seriously, i'm contemplating calling it quits. But, i know, the obstinancy in me is holding me back. Thankfully, i'm obstinate.

i walked in the rain
and i took comfort in it.
as the rain streaked down my face,
it was as though heaven was crying with me.

sorry for pushing you away... i've lost my voice and a part of myself...

How come i was never told that growing up is so difficult??

There are many stories and theories on teenage angst but not much on the transition from teenage to adulthood. A child being thrown into the adult's world. How overwhelming it will be...

How growing up is tough on me:
-i've become less happy, less cheerful, less optimistic. I see the world with either a pessismistic or overly realistic outlook. I'm sullen and preoccupied more often now.
-i keep thinking of somewhat philosophical things and sometimes, do get quite upset about it. I'm just thinking too far ahead.
-i'm easily tired over life. To explain from another point of view, i'm taking things for granted? That's why i get sick of life so easily because i haven't seen more shittier lives in this world. I'm just deluding and being a coward trying to escape from reality. I'm spoilt, pampered, weak for not being able to stand the toughness of life. Perhaps, i can't stomach adversities. People like me, if i were to be thrown into the cruel nature of life, would be auto-eliminated.
-i enjoy arguing with myself. I'll be thinking from pt a of view, pt b of view, pt c and so on. In the end i don't get any answer which adds on to my frustrations. To sum up, i'll be running in circles. For what and to where? what for?
-i've become a calculative, gloomy, sullen, selfish bitch
-i'm confused most of the time
-Maybe i care too much about 'happiness'. That's why it's making me unhappy. Regardless of whether it makes sense or not. I'm caught up with happiness so much so that i'm in an anguish when i'm not happy.
-sometimes, i feel i'm not selfish enough...
-i enjoy pushing people away from me. Wedging a barrier between me and others.
-my problems... nah! they are just too sophisticated to be explained... You know all the grown-up stuff.... yea...
-i don't trust people that i don't know well and neither do i trust myself.
-'insecurity' is my constant companion

growing up is so tiring... is it a late onset of teenage angst? (but i had before. The period of hating my parents... haha!)

i feel like letting go, i feel like breaking free, i feel like giving up...

i've sunk back into my cocoon again. Only i can break myself free...

We all need a hug!!!

Met Mel last night! =) Had a good HTHT with her. We experimented and concluded that NIE's security guards are discriminative against couples. NSW and me were chased away from the exact same spot before. Yesterday, two security guards, one walked and the other biked past us but did not give us a second look. Mel said maybe the NIE has some protocol against couples loithering at NIE till too late. LIKE HELLO!! it was so darn open. Like everyone can see if i do any hanky panky stuff... (NOT THAT I WANT TO DO) but i just feel abit unhappy that the security guard chased me away!! Boo You!!

Sometimes we're just forced to grow up early. But, our happiness is in our own hands. So we must thrive to find happiness k. No matter how elusive it may be, we must not give up! Love you Mel!! :)

Everyone needs a hug!

testing

Show encrypted text

Even though life stinks now but i still had a few good laughs today...

Pascal (our french teacher) instructed a guy to sing faire Jacques (not sure whether i've spelled correctly), a nursery song. There was this sentence in english means 'ring the bells' but the guy sang as 'ring my bells' in french.

Pascal: eehh.... im sure you don't want people to ring YOUR bells.

The whole class burst out laughing. Pascal, fyi, laughed till his face turned red... ...

We were thinking of famous french literature to be done for our presentation. 'nutcracker' came out and my roomie though nutcracker is a story of ------>bird!
LOL!

Alvin told us that fairy tales were originally gory stories. The stepsisters who couldn't fit into the glass flippers resorted to chopping off their heels and toes in order to fit into the glass slippers. I believed cause i thought it's pretty acceptable as people from the past, those victorian ages (actually i'm not sure of the era), there was public beheadings and the heads displayed along the bridges.

But alvin proceeded on telling us that cinderella was actually a guy!! AND we observed one minute of silence, too stunned to reply. Because for once, i really believed what he had said. AND during the one minute of silence, i was in a moment of anguish because i couldn't believe my favourite fairytale character was actually a guy!!

Anyway, Cinderella is a woman!!

I'm endeavouring my best to be optimistic and happy with regards to life. Thankfully, i get to have few good laughs everyday.

But touching on a more emo side, i'm stressed. Exams are coming. I don't really understand some lectures. I'm afraid i can't catch up. Plus my lab reports are piling... Adding on to my stress. French quiz, french presentation, lab reports. Plus my elective which i had neglected since i was pretty much concentrated on trying to survive for my cores. All these are weighing down on me. And i hope i don't snap and be able to withstand them all. Tension tension tension!! BLEAH!

I'm really really sick of school's life. Imagine having to fret over hundreds of things in your mind... the feeling of being cooped and tied up. The constant struggle for air because sometimes, you'll feel so cramped that you can't breathe.

Sometimes, you wish to be optimistic but circumstances proved to be your stumblestones. I look at others' lives, i look at the people around, i fast forward my own life and i feel a chill down my spine. It just dawned on me that life's meaningless. Of course, there's meanings in life but generally if you were to think of life in an abstract manner, it's meaningless. You grow up, you work, have children, fret over children, retire, nth much to do when you're old, you're lucky that you don't contrat some age related diseases but still life's pretty boring when your childrens' all grown up or the unlucky thing is you contract some disease and you'll have to live the rest of your life in agony. No matter what, i still think that life's meaningless. Not that i'm going to end my life any moment. It's difficult to elucidate my point of view to others because they think i'm just overly pessimistic with life... haha!! (maybe it's true... )

And not to mention the tripping stones in life. Even if you get married and have children, that doesn't mean you'll be married for life. Divorce is like so rampant now... Oh... the extra marital affairs, the conflicts of views, arguments, quarrels... Maybe i'm just gloomy and pessismistic and cynical but i believe in love but i don't believe that love holds. It's like some fragile thing whereby one moment i love you and the other poof! it's gone and couples go their separate ways. Bye bye!! Maybe, i've yet to be proven that everlasting love exists. That's because i'm surrounded by too many negative examples that are compelling me to choose the path of being a lonesome naggy old hag in future. Old virgin. haha!

Anyway, coming back to more personal things. In the past, i used to wonder why those lovers on screen would say something that 'i love you therefore i have to leave you?' Then the actor/actress will bawl their eyes out and i would go 0.O" !! I'll be screaming 'SINCE YOU LIKE HER/HIM, STAY WITH HIM/HER LA!! WHAT SHIT...' And ya... i'll be screaming at the TV. (like 'they' can respond ... *rolls eyes*) Now i understand why people do that...

Of course i'm not referring to my own relationship... I have to be alone in order to preserve that friendship because it's really tiring living with someone who is of complete diff from you. I'm more of an independent, cynical old bitch. (the main word is the one in bold, the rest are just plain truth but not impt in this case) So in order to be friends, i have to leave her... Hai~~ How human relations work?? it's all muddled up! :(

Sometimes, i feel that life is so bleak,
so dark,
so menacing,
so meaningless,
so dry,
so melancholic,
so troublesome,
and it makes living a torture.
Honestly, i don't mind giving it up

But once again, we can't always run from our troubles... ...

Sometimes it's tiring to keep convincing yourself that life is going to get better... ...

Is it?

Sometimes you're already stuck in a cesspool and life still shovels more shit on you.

Life is shit...

That's life.

I'm shit for life.

**&%$@$()^$ Need to go back to hall tonight!!!! ARGH!!! imagine the lonesome journey. Somehow i'll feel that dark clouds are looming directly above me. My heart just sinks to the bottom. And i have nowhere to go but to push myself towards the direction of boon lay.

You know our heart contracts about 3 x 10^9 times a lifetime. For the sake of my heart, since you're working so hard. I shall grit my teeth and pull through. Mel, we'll pull through! :)

i bargained with life for a penny,
And life would pay no more,
However i begged at evening
When i counted my scanty store.

For life is a just employer.
He gives you what you ask,
But once you have set the wages,
Why,you must bear the task.

I worked for a menial's hire,
Only to learn, dismayed,
That any wage i had asked of life,
Life would have willingly paid.

By a great poet

The chapter on cytoskeleton takes forever to complete studying it. Nevertheless, i'm hell bound aiming to finish it by today. ARGH!!!

Mighty frustrating trying to study when the points are everywhere and the notes are badly synchronised.




Nice song!!

Anyway, there's this short snippet of them playing guitar in a room. It reminds me of the good old days in tj's guitar club. :'( I miss the good old days. I miss the butt groping, chirpy guitar president. I miss prime-1-mates. Even though the guys (eugene and pong esp) were extremely irritating as they totally enjoyed bullying me by suddenly pulling my chair towards the back while i was still sitting on it, resulting in me having a near heart attack. Or waking me up when i had fallen asleep while playing guitar. (yup. I had fallen asleep during ensemble practices before. Opps!) I miss bullying audrey who sat in front of me during our ensemble trainings. I miss looking at huixian's expressionless stoned look during guitar practices (she's so cute) I miss having the feeling of people encouraging and rallying each other on. ok... i miss our guitar conductor, a lil bit, not that i like him or anything but he really had some funny moments, his weird artistic mood, his funny antics. crescendo, vibrato, tremelo! I miss my brother too... :(

Oh god. I'm like missing so much. This is going to get so melancholic...

Life is so dull without a CCA. I miss having music in life... :(

Ok. Enough commercial break. Time to study and tuition my cousin. Au revoir!

I've survived the suay week. It's good to be at home! :) Had menstrual cramps at the start of the week followed by stomach discomfort caused by (i suspect) unclean food. Hai~~~ As if my life's not sucky enough... still have to fall sick somemore. Hai~~~

Eunice will be having school camp from 28-31st may.
Eden will be having camp too from 28-30th may. 31st onwards, he'll be going for some exchange holiday organised by the school to nanjing for ... a week!! I'll be cousin-less on my bday... :(

Ahyi said since her children are going for camp, she's liberated! She said we should organise an overseas trip for our own. HAHAHAHA!! I think we can try organising. the thought of going overseas even if it's just malaysia is sufficient to make me drool. (as long as i can break out of my monotonous life...)

Bear with it a little while more. Break is coming. Of course that's after tests. AND during the exam period, somehow it's going to feel that it's one year and not three weeks. AND it's just going to be a constant pain in my ass which is going to last for 3 weeks. HAI~~~ The mere thought of it...makes me shudder...

I'm determined to do better this time! Less stress, more sleep, take it easy, sleep and eat well, love myself. Haha!

ah yi asked me whether i'm angered by the fact that my mum is going on holiday without bringing me along. Somehow, when a thing is done too often, you just accept it for what it is. It's not as though being angry will change anything. I've reached the stage whereby i'm immuned to it. AND i have my ahyi who always think of me and will bring me on a holiday!! :) therefore i'm contented and blessed.

OH WTH!!

THERE'S A FREAKING LIZARD IN MY ROOM!! I roughly know where it is... because i heard this plop sound and i suspect it had either fallen into the box placed under my study desk. I'm sitting quite far from my study desk while trying to type this entry. It's not an easy feat. I had to stretch my arms in order to type on my laptop placed on the table.

AND IT'S MAKING THOSE IRRITATING SQUEAKY NOISES WHICH IS SERIOULY GETTING ON MY NERVES AND MAKING MY HAIR RISE!!! WTH!! ARGH!!! I'm alone and i'm scared!!

To make the situation murkier, there's another lizard outside my window squeaking too. YA!! THE TWO LIZARDS ARE FREAKING CONVERSING!!! So i hear squeaks outside my room and inside my room. WTH!!!

Like some april's fool joke man!! Gosh i hate lizards!! :(

Stomach hurts now... think it'll subside and then it'll become discomfort. Feel like puking. Hai... life sucks...

Ok... i'm bored... looking at the pictures just make me feel more deprived... haha!!

Oh gosh!!! I dread to go to school every single day. Can't help but to feel that life's meaningless and miserable. I have this pessimistic thought of quitting school which is haunting me. Life sucks really... i can't fathom how life can get better.

I'm such a miserable and insecured bitch.

Searching for the strength... THE strength

I managed to break the news to my roomie finally. Thankfully, she could understand although i expect she's suppressing her feelings. Chan Mali thinks i have enough punishment for feeling so upset over the matter for the past few days and weeks of agonising over the decision. I should learn to let go.

I realise the person who is harsh on me is myself.

Yesterday, on my way back to hall, i was in an emotional turmoil. I had to control myself from bursting into tears during the bus ride to the interchange. My tears was on the verge of falling out when i was on the mrt but i blinked them off several times. I just wanted to stay at home and not go to school. But, i'm grown up and it's un-grown-up-ish of me to sulk, bawl and beg to stay at home. BUT, i dread going to school. The emoish trip back to school was just a draining, sad, draggy, gloomy, disgusting journey back to hall.

And i know the reason why i was so freaking emoish during the lonely ride back to hall. I woke up. I got my period. Period.

HAI!! Sigh!

Guess it's time to put my own happiness first. It gets very tiring finding excuses and reasons for people. I'm partially at fault for causing things to become like this. I should have been more direct and forthcoming with my feelings. Now, i'll have to be the bad guy... ...

I'm not looking forward to the what i expect to be an emotionally wrought week. BUT I HAVE TO DO IT... no matter how reluctant, how hesitant, how unwilling i am in doing so. I have to do it!

I thought it was because i expect too much from people. Like what the old adage goes, the higher your expectation, the greater your disappointment. Perhaps, that's why i've been hurt repeatedly since young-broken promises, lack of care and concern, inability to provide to my emotional needs, the absence from a large chunk of my life. It gets to a point that i've stopped expecting things from my parents, it was then i felt better. After the point of letting go... ...

And i do bear grudges... once you've hurt me, unless you apologise if not i won't be able to let go or forget easily.

# it's ok that i wasn't invited to your wedding. I don't even know when was the actual date of your wedding. The first time i learnt about it was when i chanced upon your wedding photo album. Subsequently, i had to learn of it from another person. That shows how important i am in your eyes.

#when i said it was ok for you to married. It was meant to grant you the happiness you deserve. Now that i see you slogging like shit and your contributions is unreciprocated. DO YOU KNOW HOW IT FREAKING HURTS!!! F***ing asshole!

#You have brought disgrace to the family. It makes me realise we can forgive someone only when the person truly deserves forgiveness. Help must be rendered at discretion. If not, you'll just ruining the person's life. All the best in jail. Hope you'll be ashamed at how you have screwed your family up as you sit pondering being the metal bars everyday.

#Staying under one roof isn't an easy matter. One fine day, we'll all have to part... and the cruelest part of all, time doesn't come to a standstill. We have to move on.

#I believe in the inherent good of people. And i treat people the best i can. But when the person doesn't appreciate it or has no self-awareness. I draw the line. Sorry for being so cruel but i'm tired. I hate having to find excuses for you plus self deception doesn;t work anymore. Hazel isn't going to be a nice person anymore. No wonder people say it's tough being a nice person. I'm tired of having to ask you do things. Time to act on your own accord and time for me to act on my own interests.

I just felt like lashing out. My theme for next week is not to be a nicey goodie shoes. I'm going to put my self interests first. With the support of my family, dearest friends and Nga, i'll be fine.

Be brave!

It's raining cats and dogs now. THUNDER!! Yikes!! And the freaky lightnings. Thankfully, i'm safe at home.

Thanks Huichan for listening to my crap this morning. We met up for breakfast at 9 am! Haha!! Ya.. it's amazing. LOL! After the talk, i'm convinced that i should apply for single room. No wonder people say living together and getting along with people are two completely different matters. You can get along well with the person that doesn't mean you can stand living under one roof with him/her.

I told my ah yi about the incident and she said it's time for me to think about myself first rather than others. I was hesitant in telling MY about the single room thingy because i was worried that she won't be able to take it and based on my understanding of her, things are going to be very difficult once i've told her my decision. Hope i'll be blessed with the luck and intelligence to break the news to her such that our friendship won't be ruined as a result. But i think no matter what, it's going to hurt at first. And i'm not sure whether she'll understand my reasons for doing so...

Think she'll feel hurt and indignant at first. Definitely will show me the attitude one. And, i think based on how her parents dote on her, i have to be prepared to explain to her parents too. OH shit... ...

My mood is like the weather now... Gloomy, melancholic, saddening, emotionally wrought. I'm tired... ...

and i'm crying to the song single by neyo feat new kids on the block. Amazing right?

Like pooi! and my lab report is finally done. ARGH!! School sucks la... so many things to be done. Screwed screwed screwed... ...

Another bout of stress is resolved and another bout comes. No end to stress.

The troubling question is... should i apply for single room. If i do want right, how am i going to break the news to my roomie. she has said before she does not feel comfortable staying with stranger as well as she doesn't dare sleep alone. What if her new roomie doesn't stay in hall very often since there's a possibility they may be of different courses. Oh dear... No matter what i do, it's like i'll hurt someone. Myself and her.

OH GOSH!! WHAT SHOULD I DO?? Bloody hell!

Creep
by Radiohead

When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so very special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so very special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here,
ohhhh, ohhhh

She's running out the door
She's running out
She run run run
run...run... run...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so very special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't belong here...

Here i am again!! LOL!! Even though i just blogged not too long ago...

Sad to say, this song comes close to my heart because i do feel strangely out of place most of the time. And sometimes all i want to do is to hole up in my room and be alone. Plus, it doesn't help that to a certain extent, i'm a weirdo.

I want to go retail therapy. Splurge on clothes especially. I'm a vainpot actually but it's just that sometimes i don't have the energy to indulge in the vanity of mine. LAUGH!!

HAI!!!! I'm craving for fun!

Winning entry:

Do you know...
butterfly has two pairs of wings
you are one pair and i'm the other
together we make the butterfly fly

Do you know...
You are like the singtel student plan and i'm the handphone
we come in one set

Do you know...
kitkat is made up of biscuit wafer and chocolate
you are the chocolate and i'm the biscuit wafer
you surround me with your sweetness

The above poem is what i had written for some heartfest thingy organised by singtel during valentine's day. AND GUESS WHAT!! i won movie tickets and popcorn combos!! LOL!!

Moral of the story: sometimes, crap does become a winning formula in life.

AHHHH!! Still got so many things not settled for hall magazine. I'm so dead... ...

Time to search for that 'faith' to carry on in life. The elusive 'faith' of mine...

nobody is defeated unless the defeat is accepted as reality...