I thought there has been a void of pictures so decided to upload some although there's nothing much about them anyway? Oh ya... perhaps to add colours to my blog... Haha!! *whatever* Hall carnival and i'm quite easily intrigued by helium balloons
Mingyan was busy microwaving pratas

Nga songwei and me

Just an observation... i like to call nga song wei, 'nga songwei'.

People think it's rude (which i also think so)

but it's my form of endearment k....

'dear', 'darling', 'sweetie pie', 'honey' are so cliche.

So unoriginal.

Imagine i shout 'darling' while we're walking along orchard road, i think 10 + people will turn and to acknowledge me...

LOL!!

The 4/7 out of the qijiemeis

Amanda came back!! Met her for lunch at Jurong point.

Amanda's so fair, she makes me envious

That girl is studying in Melbourne where according to her, got cute guys in school. *gush* OMG!!! There's not many cute guys in NTU. even if there are, i've yet to seen them.

Although, i think going overseas to study is cool but i don't envision myself doing that. I'm too tender and i'll emo easily away from home. Shall try to control my emotions before i even dare venture to think of it. Haha!! Right now, i'm still learning and endeavouring my best to survive...

It's recess week!! something which i thought i should be joyous about but then i aren't.

Haha!! My emotions are in topsy-turvy now. Sometimes happy, sometimes super emo. Sometimes i'll be so sad that i wonder whether i'll truly be happy again. At times i feel that my supposedly cheerfulness is just a mask.

Perhaps there's too much at stake. I admire those who can take things easily because i can't. And i can only look back forlornly at the person i had once been. The genuinely cheerful and heck care siao zar bo.

Breakeven
by The Script

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in

Cos I got time while she got freedom

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst

She finally met a man that's gonna put her first

While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven... even... no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,

And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok

I'm falling to pieces, yeah,

I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason

But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding

Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving

And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no

What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you,

And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok

I'm falling to pieces, yeah,

I'm falling to pieces, yeah,

I'm falling to pieces (One still in love while the other ones leaving)

I'm falling to pieces (Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain

You took your suitcase, I took the blame.

Now I'm try'na make sense of what little remains ooh

Cos you left me with no love and no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in

Cos I got time while she got freedom

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break

No it don't break

No it don't break even no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you and

What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok (Oh glad your okay now)

I'm falling to pieces yeah (Oh I'm glad your okay)

I'm falling to pieces yeah (One still in love while the other ones leaving)

I'm falling to pieces (Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh it don't break even noOh it don't break even no

Oh it don't break even no

I have this piece of news which is so damn difficult to break to the targetted person... At the same time, i'm guilt-ridden for feeling the way which triggered me to want to drop the bomb shell... It makes me feel i'm not appreciative or treasuring the person in concern enough.

But really... i value my privacy more than ever.

Anyway, there's still a lot of time to consider my decision slowly. Then i shall find the right opportunity to break the news...

Woo... i have the wallenstein's sleeper effect. Didn't know such a thing exist until i received an email from a friend. Thanks friend! Glad to have someone who understands how i feel.

Chan Mali. Sorry for the sudden break of news... Just couldn't find the right opportunity to tell you.

Maybe, i know why i'm easily emo. Why i was and actually am cynical. I think i'm highly insecured. I keep things to myself. Because at the end of the day, we'll end up being alone anyway. Not that i don't appreciate my friends but there's this internal struggle in me that it's very difficult to explain. And sometimes i don't see the point in sharing because, nobody can understand plus it's selfish and wicked of me to force people to understand my agony. So to all my dear ones out there, it's not that i don't appreciate, treasure or trust you, but somethings are just better meant to be kept to oneself. Not that i'm selfish or don't hold you in esteem but really, agony begets agony. So why add on to the agony??

to prevent yourself to get hurt, you build a wall to shut your emotions from others. The emotions accumulate, the wall faces extreme pressure, the wall collapses and you end up hurting yourself. That's another conflict which adds on to the irony.

But in a false sense of security. People rather have the wall than not having it.

chan mali just msned me saying it all make sense now... my blogposts and sometimes the stuff i've said. haha!

i used to loathe 'meet-the -parents' session. Since you can't have the complete, it's better to have nothing rather than the incomplete.

i can't blame mummy. She has the wallenstein's sleeper effect too. So this sets me thinking...maybe i shouldn't get married and have children in case i unconciously pass on the effect. Haha!!

huichan is asking me whether i see the wall in my room. Then go bang my head against it.

Sometimes, i feel like i have so much grievances to say but i'll end up swallowing them one by one eventually. Once again, no point saying... ... don't know where or how to begin with. Grievances are my property!

Why do i keeping picking on myself ah?? haha!!

AND AND AND... a part of me longs for recess wk, another part of me dreads recess wk. The amount of stuff to catch up with.

I wonder at the end of the sacrifices made, will there be rewards? you know what, sometimes life is so cruel, reward is just a scam to make people believe the impossible and toil for it. right??

Life is plagued with ironies, contradictions, questions, doubts etc etc etc...

Hai... can't help thinking life sucks...

Para and Alvin had tickets and so off we went for the valenwine event. We went on friday before the 330 lecture. It was freaking hilarious cause i was drunk and abit swaying after two sips of red wine and one sip of white wine. Oh goodness, i started blabbering nonsensical things. Alvin, Para and mingyan were convinced i was drunk... haah!

Me and our da ge alvin!

And... the following stuff that i'm going to blog about will be mushy mushy mush-talk. It's just for my memory sake so that perhaps ten years down the road, i can look back at this entry and reminsce my first Valentine's date. LOL... Don't say i didn't warn you...

My first valentine leh!!

U're honoured sia...

I think you're cute

How can the girl steal my line?? (idiot!)

Ok background info:

This girl told songwei's friend that she finds songwei cute. LOL!

Not bad la... at least let me know my bf has market de... LAUGH!!

You know...

there is this chinese saying that love makes one glow.

See, we're glowing and radiating happiness...

The henderson wave

which is actually a bridge that resembles wave.

Scenic spot, cosy feeling, pretty lightings, wondrous atmosphere

I just know it connects to mount faber

I like this pic cause songwei looks so cute which is actually a euphemism for retarded.

To songwei: you look retarded, i say retarded things. We match! :)

74.14 m above sea level

The presents i've made for my dear valentine....

I named it 'Lo'

This is songwei's one.

Name: Vee

'Lo' and 'Vee' = loVee

Present from songwei...

If you think it's a normal looking cup,

well it is a normal looking mug...


It remains normal until...

I pour hot water into the mug

Sth is forming...

Magic!!

Presto!!!

A picture of a hot girl and cute guy appear

I jokingly said i wanted to wear fbt for our date. Haha! I'm so thankful i didn't stick to my 'original' plan. You were pretty well dressed. i would feel like a frumpy housewife beside you.

The hilarious thing was i texted chan mali cause i didn't know what to wear. She advised me to wear something sexy. *LOL* luckily i didn't heed her advice. People of SW's age can't take too much stimulus.

My first Valentine's date was wonderful!! I'm looking forward to our second, third, fourth etc etc etc etc dates to come.

This is going to be like freaking mushy... (please skip please skip)

I love songwei!! You're the cutest bf in MY eyes.

Ok... i;ve said it out, puke for all you want. I already warned you...

My two quizzes are finally over!! Yay!! *jumps in joy* I think i've screwed up for french and screwed up equally for HS808. But... i shall relegate it to the back of my mind...

I went berserk on tuesday. I behaved like a spoilt brat. stress?? even though i don't think it was very much linked to the tests. It was more of the sudden overwhelming exhaustion, jadedness for life, the thought of living this kind of life made me nauseated. It was because my life had become too predictable, too monotonous, too boring that resulted in me being myopic and couldn't see the point of living. Plus, the lack of sleep was creeping up and attacking my emotions. I'm that kind that needs a lot of sleep. Insufficient sleep will result in me morphing into some freaking time bomb or something. Just waiting for the right moment to explode.

Now. i feel so embarrassed at how i had behaved on tuesday. I wanted to give up studying for my quizzes. The childish, rebellious, disobedient part was acting. SW who meant good, was explaining to me some principles on life but i chose to interpret it otherwise. ( i thought he was telling me to go study which i didn't want to and so the rebellious streak acted up) I know it's childish. Frustrations mounted in me and i just left my room after leaving a note to my roomie and instructed her not to call SW (see...so childish) and my phone was left abandoned on my table. SW, managed to catch up with me cause apparently, he saw me leaving my blk. At that point in time, i must honestly admit that i wasn't really happy cause i just desperately wanted to be left alone. but now, i'm thankful SW stuck to me and accompanied me. I was near suicidal that time. (ok the last sentence is meant to be a joke.) We went to nie and i just sat there watching people play tennis and it was mostly silence cause i didn't feel like talking. (immature!)

I tried to escape reality by not wanting to go back to my room. I was half dragged back by SW. I was angry at myself, not him, for being such a weakling. Such an escapist. Such a coward. Such a ninny. The moment i reached my room. I just sat quietly at my desk, plugged into my earphones and placed my head on the table. The tears just came running down even though i was listening to 'live your life' by TI feat rihanna which was NOT a sad song. According to my roomie who came back later, she said SW had the helpless look when she asked him what had happened. She could sense the ominous aura the moment she stepped into our room.

To Nga Songwei,
I'm sorry for my childish immature laughable behaviour. It was really bad of me. Even my mum had scolded me. Which was very true. I deserved to be scolded. Being my bf is just a tough job. I'm too emo le. Although i had apologised to you and you had reassured that it's alright. Nevertheless, i still feel very apologetic. Cause i've made you worry, i've make your ass hurt (pain in the ass), i'm always emoing, i'm weak, i'm a burden. i'm such a complicated piece of shit that even at times i hate myself too. Haha! I love you and thank you for never leaving me to mope alone. Thanks for the support and just for being there. (i'm glad u were ard on tues even though i didn't look so because i was having internal struggles with myself. REALLY ABSOLUTELY NTH TO DO WITH YOU)

To roomie mingyan,
Thanks for being there to support me. We went for a walk after that. She knew i was too cooped up in our little room. We talked and i felt whole load better after sharing.

To Mel,
It's going to be alright. Even though it doesn't look like it is now but things will get better. Nothing lasts forever, not even troubles. And like what you had told me, it's ok to emo. No harm done. We're just expressing our feelings tt's all. Smile!! tk care and sleep early. Shall meet up when u;re less busy k! Love ya!

to chan mali/pang-nie,
Thanks for your support. Thanks for your 'best of luck' wishes. Thanks for listening to the grouses. Thanks for your encouraging smses. You know what i miss most in ntu? a friend like you.

Valentine's day is coming!! haha!! Even the area near canteen A has a lot of stores selling v day related stuff. Our hall just had a subcomm appreciation cum v day dinner. Love is really in the air. I'm in a loving mood too.

Ruiying's missing

Can you spot the underlying message??

Haha! It's seriously meant to be a joke.

Ya.... Nga songwei, don't panic

Singtel organised this 'express yourself' thing. Got to write a msg for the special someone and if it's good, we get to stand a chance to win X box! i repeat X BOX. SW wanted the x box and i rendered my help because if he really won the x box, half of it shall be mine.

So, i came up a poem and some idiotically funny phrases. HAHAHA!!

I want to sleep. Shall blog about what idiotic or nauseous-inducing mushy things i've written another time. Au revoir!

I hope the strong facade lasts.

I'm too young to be jaded of life...

There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying things which are beyond the power of our will.
~Epictetus~

Dear Epictetus, it's easier said than done.

Mummy called but i couldn't bring myself to call back just in case i lose my cool.

Ok... to admit... i scared i'll sink into some tirade and end up crying can.

Whatever....

Sleep is elusive because i dread waking up to a 'brand' new day.

To remind myself again, i'm too young to be jaded of life... ...

Is there anything to look forward to??

I'm no doubt screwed for the tests.

Now, i'm learning how to let go... pang seh...

I'm sufferring from an early onset of Monday blues... ROAR!! I'm so sick of being sick of school.

Taking a break from the enormous pile of reading. I'm only at lecture 3!! AND THERE'S STILL A DINOSAUR DUNG PILE OF STUFF TO READ!!! Not to mention i'm only halfway done for french. Screwed!

Tutorials also haven't done. Lab report halfway done. WTH!

Hall mag, pictures, layouts...

HAI!!!!

It is not work that kills men, it is worry. Work is healthy; you can hardly put more on a man than he can bear. But worry is rust upon the blade. It is not movement that destroys the machinery, but friction.
Henry Ward Beecher

I've spent the entire day nuaing... Guilt ridden guilt ridden. Just had this immense lethargy swarming in me. Haha!



I just watched an episode of Ghost whisperer. It's so freaking sad can. Melinda's husband's spirit in now in another man's body and he can't remember who he is and what had happened to him.

It's so so so so sad on melinda gordon. Like losing your husband is not bad enough and to add on to the misery, your husband comes back in another person's body and has abolutely zero recollections of you. This is sad sad sad sad. I know it's just a show, it's not real but i can't help feeling emo. Chan Mali recommended that i have a tissue box on standby the next time i watch ghost whisperer.

Omg! i think i'm falling into the category of 'aunties who cry over their tissue box while watching sad weepy korean drama'.

I enjoy making fun of my cousin...

Me: EDEN!
Eden: what??
Me: i know u love me. I love u too
Eden: pooi!

Haha! Anyway, i'm still convinced that my cousin likes me. Guys being guys just refuse to admit.

Now i know why i always emo excessively in hall. That's because i'm missing my family's infectious laughter and humour. My family is a bunch of happy go lucky weirdoes. When i'm at home, i'm less likely to be infected by emo-ness.

Plus, staying in hall makes me feel lonely at times. Even though my roomie is in the same room as me, sometimes it's difficult to share things with her because it's just me. I have a multitude of layers around me and it's not easy to unwrap to know my true feelings. It's my weakness cause i limit the things i confide or share with some people and that's that. And, going to school is such a bore and a pain in the ass. Stress and all the crap.

Take it as a form of training... be strong be strong

Mummy and aunt mentioned about grandpa over dinner and gosh it reminds me how much i still miss him even though it had been years... well, perhaps this is my form of remembering him because my grandpa had a sea burial. He doesn't have a grave and my family doesn't pray during qing ming and stuff. Without any grave to visit, i can only search within myself for the memories as a form to remember him. After his death, my family donated his clothes to charity, sold his bike, shut his company. It's like removing traces of him not because we're cruel but as a form of acceptance of his death. Likewise, it can be said that we did that to compel ourselves to accept his death as having his things around would serve us nothing but to make us sad.

Oh gosh... i'm like emoing so much in one night. And not to mention the stuff i've told Chan Mali. Thanks Chan Mali for providing me with a listening ear.

I've used up my quota of emoing. Guess it's time for bed if not i emo somemore.

I'm torn between whether to stay for my lecture which starts at 330 or to go home like now. ARGH!!! I want to go home badly but i'll be plagued with a sense of guilt if i pon lecture.

Yesterday's lecture on 'understanding culture and globalisation' was pretty insightful.

In pre-modernity, things were pretty governed by religions, superstitions, providence. People believe that things happened because of god's will.

In modernity, we see the emergence of industrialisation, democracy and science. People were then able to think more rationally and logically because of that.

And now, we're living in a society of post-modernity. We are confronted by a plethora of choices and there is this need to express our individualism. As a result, our emotions are affected. We are not pressured ( as compared to our parents) to fulfill some kind of obligations, be it studies, work, becoming a dutiful wife etc. Because of the lack of pressure, we have to look for the strength and motivation within ourselves. As a result, i guess it adds on to our emotional burden?

I can't believe i actually remember so much from the video. No wonder my roomie thinks i should have taken arts instead.

Ok! i shall peep into myself for the motivation. Hazel will survive.

Time to learn to be strong. Be brave. Be happy!

Oh... i miss the salty air of the beach! :>

Perhaps it's the silence of the night, the chorus of the insects, the number of things piling up, the fact that i'm missing home, the intense craving for a break, the want to go home like THIS INSTANT. Well, they all add up to make me emo.

Just now, my printer couldn't print, i couldn't sign in msn, problems of disconnection which impeded my progress in doing french homework as i had to check the meanings of some chim words. These just add on to my vexations.

Hazel desperately needs entertainment in her life. It's like i know i need to do something to relax but the act of relaxing means precious time is trickling away.

You know what... i'm so tempted to run away. From this mad rush, from the responsibilities, from the pressure, from the expectations, from myself...

ARGH!!

I don't know what went wrong for the previous blogskin... I like the previous skin... well... hopefully, i'll be able to find another skin that i like...

I know this is like so overdue but then Melly won't mind right?? haha! Anyway, this part of my blog is dedicated to Mel. I'm touched by Mel who came all the way to my hall from hall 2 just to catch up with me and cheer me up! Thanks for the pockys as well! Love you!!

I'll get back on my feet soon. soon. Ya... haha!

I'm bloated like a whale,
tummy cramps like hell,
I'm lethargic,
I'm frustrated,
The red monster is here!

Hate cramps hate cramps hate cramps... Idiot! Perhaps it's my body rebelling. Or my constitution's weak. Or my body is collapsing. Or i'm not taking good care of myself. Cramping isn't a good sign. Since i'm safe in my room, i shall skip the miracle pills (pink panadol pills). I don't want to be dependent on it. But had to eat them yesterday as it was a long day in school.

There are so many things coming up and things that are yet to be done... Shucks!

• Two quizzes next wk
• hall's magazine
• V day next wk
• sell carnival tickets
• lab report due next monday
• catch up with my lectures
• Hall carnival on 17 feb
• summarise my hs 808 notes

AHHH!! Breathe breathe breathe! I'm going to survive!

Lesson of the day: To be happy... ...

1. Learn to accept and let go
2. Live for yourself and not others
3. Control your mind and not let your mind control you
4. Be easy on yourself
5. Find ways to relax
6. Remember that your family and friends are there for you

The emo me is acting up again. PMS is at fault too. I was emoing on friday and was totally dying to go home. It was an excruciating drag because my lecture started at 330 and i had to wait even though i was dying to go home...

Why am i emo? Well... have you ever experienced that kind of overwhelming exhaustion. The series of things weighing down on you till you're struggling to breathe. And that you just want to pack up and abandon everything. Hide under the covers and shield yourself from the outside world.

Thank goodness i have a wonderful family who is astute to my emotions. My aunt sensed i wasn't ok the moment i stepped into the house. Maybe i was emitting the negative aura.

The points above were what my aunt had told me. I'm blessed to have an aunt like her. My mum as well for showing her concern but she can't provide me with the things or comfort i need. Not that i'm on bad terms with my mum but it's just that our communication is like... that...

Guess it stems from the fact that my parents are absorbed by their better-halfs. I felt neglected by them ever since i was young. I seldom share things with her. Therefore, she's less astute to my feelings.

not that i'm jealous now. As i grow older, i tuned out to that and just appreciate with what i have now. I know they do love me even though they aren't exactly the best parents. Together with the cliche 'nobody is perfect'... well... I'm really quite blessed and should stop complaining.

I've broken my resolve to be happy... :(

But i'm feeling better now (for the time being)... For the next bout of emoness, i shall try conquering on my own.

On a random note,

I want to go to beach.

I dread going to school.

I don't want sunday to come.

Thank goodness it's friday because i really can't stand another minute waddling in school...

I'm moody... like real moody...

Academics related stuff threatens to melt my mind.

I miss home...

I got tagged on facebook... and decided to do it since i'm bored and my boredom is further intensified by the fact that i'm doing my lab report. So well... here it goes...

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

1) I hate school

2) The only subject i'm good at is 'the art of talking crap'

3) People who do not know me very well think i'm quiet. (haha!!)

4) People who know me pretty well think i'm childish. (LOL!)

5) I want to go on a back-packing trip with my girlfriends someday.

6) I like to sing but i don't usually sing in front of people. Singing is only limited to the toilet and my room.

7) The food that i cannot live without are: ICE CREAM and chocolates and Pocky biscuits and bubble tea

8) When i was in primary school, i hated all people with the XY chromosomes and actually vowed not to get married. :P

9) i suck in mathematics. I can't do mental calculations and calculator is like my right arm.

10) I can do things alone like shopping, sight-seeing and eating

11) I eat pocky when i'm both happy and sad.

12) I'm scared of living things that are either six legged or cold blooded or have fins (fishes).

13) I'm hydrophobic and whenever i'm in the sea, i'll be pestered by the image of a shark following me. Or constantly think that fishes have brushed across my legs.

14) I actually quite like running (minus the bloody slopes)

15) I've been to shen zhen, malaysia, korea, japan, new zealand, Thailand, Hongkong, batam

16) I walk pretty fast

17) I like comedies, anime and horror movies.

18) I like watermelon and i just swallow the seeds because i'm too lazy to spit them out.

19) Best CCA days: TJC guitar. Yay!

20) I wanted to be a policewoman when i was young.

21) I always say the wrong things but are quite funny actually

22) I'm quite emo

23) I don't like people to scold me ah lian, bimbo, bitch. Can scold me anything except for those three. (i'm not bimbotic)

24) I have a fetish for bras. Can't resist from buying.

25) I have multiple personalities.

I thought this will take a long time to complete... but surprisinly no... haha!! Yay!! Here goes...

It's Chinese New Year!! Hongbaos, new yr goodies, delicious food, festive occasions. The perfect excuse for people to dress up and be happy!! Happy happy happy!!

I'll be going to some townclub for reunion dinner. Even since my grandma had passed away, the family pool has shrunk and my aunt sees no point in cooking for the pathetic few left so we had always eat out since. Looking at the bright side, at least i get to dress up and stuff. Chinese New Year is the only occasion whereby i'll indulge in my vanity. Haha!! :P

I love CNY!! well-deserved break from school. Time to rest and have fun!

When you cling onto something too tightly, you will be afraid of losing it.

irrational fear...

so afraid, so afraid...

A series of unfortunate matters... ...

My roomie came back hall on Sunday and in less than 15 mins, her slippers got stolen...

My mum's thyroid is acting up again...

Lizard hijacked our dustbin last night.

An idiot person called me at 7.37 am this morning and all i heard was an eerie baby's cries. It was abit freaky. That idiot called me twice. First time i just ignored. Second time i picked up thinking it could be urgent. After that, i couldn't fall back to sleep. Thankfully, i had 8.30 lecture and i was going to wake up anyway. BUT, waking up to a freaky scary baby's cries isn't very pleasant. I called the person back wanting to preach him and tell him to get a life. If he's bored, go Cambodia to build schools or something. Actually, i'm lying. The real thing i wanted to do was to scream into his damn ears 'WHAT THE F***!! Go eat shit la!! Can u please F**king well GET a life!! F*** u!!'

That was exactly what i wanted to say... i don't like to be woken up like this... really!!

The person answered the phone and there was this pause before i heard the baby's cries again. WTF!

I truly really honestly believe in karma. One fine day, i'm going to record the sounds of a tiger roaring and prank call the person back. That is of course much later. Until he has forgotten my number or had called me before.

The peculiar thing is songwei also got the same prank call. Same number somemore... The 3rd time was another foreign number and the person didn't say anything...

In the afternoon, mingyan also got the same kind of call but of a different number from songwei i think. The person also didn't speak a word...

I've checked the date. Today's not april fool's day. So is this like some random pranks or what? But it's too much of a coincidence to be random...

My aunt met with an accident. Thankfully, she wasn't injured although i heard the car was badly smashed at the front. Thank god really!! I can't promise i won't do any irrational thing if bad things befall on her.

Hopefully, the series of misfortune will just end here. I'll forgive the prankster but if he does it again. I swear i'll report to police. Haha!!

Au revoir!

Mum called and i was complaining to her over the phone that i'm freaking sian of school. She asked me what's troubling me and seriously, i'm not sure what's exactly troubling me. There isn't any major stuff which is like weighing on me but the handful of minor stuffs then add up to become one heavy bag of stones. (am i making sense?) Well, she told me she dreads going to work too. But she motivates herself by thinking 'if i go work, i'll have money.' And off she'll go for work. (my mum's so cute) She told me to find some motivation and to love what i'm studying... (that's pretty hard though...)

Thurs:
1230 to 1400-french
1400 to 1730-lab
1730 to 2030-lecture

1230 to 2030 with only half an hour break in between. Help!! Pray i'll survive...

At least i have something to look forward to tomorrow because chan mali is coming and we'll be going JP to shop. Yay!!

Otherwise, my life's dull...

Sometimes, it's not a matter of i can do it or not. But a matter of i want to do it or not... (finding a reason to make me want to do it...) i'm talking in riddles. Time for bed!

It's only the third week and i'm already feeling damn sick of school. DAMN DAMN sick. Even though i've told myself countless number of times to appreciate what i have now but somehow... i'm faltering

My new resolution is to be happy (without trying too hard though). It's ok to be emotional some times. That's one thing i have to learn. To know that it's ok to shed tears now and then. To be in tune with my emotions...

There are like so many things bugging me. Occupying what little space of my brain. The bad habit is acting- the tendency to think too much till it upsets me.

Mum and dad have told me not to stress myself. Just try my best will do. blah blah blah... How can i not be stressed when you guys are slogging so damn hard???

Most comedians have sad lives/ sorrowful pasts.

The point is that my emotions fluctuate a lot. I'm generally happy and can be damn emotional. Perhaps, that's one of the traits of a gemini?

And, i have a tendency to hide in my shell. build a barrier around me and isolate myself. The tendency to be reclusive.

How i wish i can be the immature kid. Abandon everything and escape to place of solace.

Just as expected, i've gotten another %%&#@%&(*(&^%$#^^##@*^#@@#^!) elective again!! Not that i've much expectations of getting an elective that i desire... well... i don't even desire any elective in the first place. My cores are already sufficient to kill me. It's like adding shit (electives) onto existing shit (cores) and in the end we end up having a shitty shit life.

WHATEVER!! This is so damn annoying...

(better stop here if not i'm going to start spewing vulgarities...)

I'm having constipated nose. I want to sneeze but can't sneeze out and ended up tearing instead. My throat doesn't hurt anymore but it feels dry... And i feel super cold. Blame it on the erratic weather...

My application to take the elect 'understanding singapore's society' got rejected again. Screw it. I listed down the elects i wanted. Seven in total, i got none. I appealed for 3 elects and i got none too. The moral of the story is :you can't always get what you want' ... ... OH WELL!! There goes... they can't blame me for being an apathetic, bo chap, oblivious kid. I wanted to learn more about singapore's society. I was so rah rah and enthu and passionate about learning how marvellous singapore's society is... OH WELL!! Not that i don't want to be informed about our wonderful society... It's just certain circumstances don't allow me to...

Anyway, the crux of the problem is... i need to have two bloody elects this sem. I'm dead... like so dead... that i wish i can just kill myself so that i can be 'dead' earlier... HAHAHAH!! (emotional outburst)

I'm disgusted and i'm going to watch happy-tree-friends to further disgust myself...

I'm miserable... Sore throat, flu and this overwhelming lethargy... I just want to curl up in bed and sleep. Roar! Ok... off to SRC for the HO opening...

Met KC on our way to CITS. He asked us where we were going and i told him CITS. He said he had no idea what's that...
Me: Centre of ...
MY: centre of IT services
Me: oh... i thought is centre of information technology...
MY: which is IT!

OMG! *faints* I wonder is it because it's the start of the school and therefore my brain isn't functioning well, causing me to say astoundingly stupefying stuff! i'm so ashamed... haha!! Or maybe i've always been saying stupid crap stuff all along without noticing...

Earth QUAKE!!
I've gotten myself an ostentatiously striking blue pair of shoes...
Huichan came to visit!!

I ate her tofu

To Huichan aka my loyal fan,

(i know you read my blog every single day without fail)

Firstly, thanks for your support (i feel like i'm writing some kind of fan mail... haha!)

FEEL FREE TO POP OVER TO VISIT WHENEVER U're FREE!!

As long as my friends come to visit, i'm happy! :)

i was molesting songwei! Yay!! Eat tofu again!

Anyway, i had my first french lesson today. Today is just the introduction part so overall it's still ok... Nevertheless, i'm worried. French pronunciations are really difficult! :(

Even though life sucks and coupled with the electives shit thing which makes it even sucker but then, my resolution for this year is to be happy! One more thing...i think i should cut down on my complaints. Be contented hazel! Don't let pessimism get me down!

Wallowing in self-pity

Dear Student,
After assessing the reasons that you have stated, we regret that we are unable to accede to your request.

Reason for rejecting the appeal : Thank you for your interest in the Modern Language Electives (MLE).

We are writing to inform you that there has been an overwhelming response to MLE courses this semester and all classes are running at full capacity. We will, therefore, not be able to approve your appeal for a place this time round.

Please register for the course of your choice next semester and to ensure a place, assign it a high priority in the registration system.

Ok... i'm screwed. This means i have to take french... I like french but i'm worried it'll be tough and i won't be able to cope. Plus french is fun but not when you have to mug for exams...

I should have stated that i have this strong intent to get married to a malay guy. I should have said that... ... Not i feel that malay is easier but hey, i'm in singapore what. It's easier to find opportunities to converse in malay than french. The only time when french may come in handy is when i'm ordering french cuisine. 's'il vous plait. pate de foie gras. merci.'

ARGH!!! I'm so freaking sick of uni life!!! Go and die! ( and yes im referring to myself!)

If goldfishes look as cute as Ponyo, i think i won't be terrified of them. Haha! Heart-warming and funny show. Thumbs up!

I've spent an overwhelmingly large proportion of my time in hall. I didn't expect the impact or effects would be so great. My family had nagged at me for spending too much time in hall which i would just nod in silence or argued back that i do not have a choice. Sometimes, i would mope and feel indignant, feeling that they do not understand me. Perhaps, they felt they had lose the connectivity with me since i was the first one who had set up the barrier between me and them. Now, i get to experience how it is like to be the one being shut out. And, i think i totally deserve it. It hurts. I hope it's because you need time to heal or cool down and not because i'm unimportant to you...

I'm painting my nail, blogging and refreshing the stars planner page all at the same time! I know i rock!! Camping for electives suck!

Wanted to go JP to buy stationeries but ended up window shopping for clothes with my roomie instead. Both of us haven't settled with our chinese new yr's clothings... we went to john little and both of us ended buying bras. HAHAHA!! I've finally found company!! Cause i always have this fetish of buying bras even though i have sufficient bras already but i just can't stop buying when i see a cutely designed bra. LOL! AND, my roomie has the exactly same fetish as me. We bought one bra each because buy two then will get offer. My newly bought bra has a cute cat on it. Ok... why am i even blabbering about this... i went to minitoons and saw this super cute massage cushion which i was so tempted to buy. 20 bucks for one. The cushion vibrates. Imagine cuddling it and feeling it vibrates your tummy, like how your parents used to blow on your tummy which tickled you. It's perverse to ask my parents to do that to me now but that feeling is well... pretty nice even though i know some will find me pervertic/lunatic/crazy/disgusting blah blah blah... Anyway, the point is i want the massage cushion... :(

I'm sick of camping for electives and i need to shop for new year's clothes. i must control and not buy anymore dark-coloured clothes. I have no idea what to wear for chinese new year... AH!! i need to buy a new fan for my room (not hall) because i have broken it. So my fan's head permanently droops downwards and i can't lift it up. once again, i know i rock. I need to spring clean my room (not hall). I need to install my printer (not hall). There are so many trivial things to be done.

I don't like my neighbours (hall's). They're indians and besides that they are super lam nua can.. This morning, roomie saw them opened their door and swept their dirt out onto the corridor. God didn't just create sun, earth, clouds, moon, stars, rain. There's something called the wind! So, we were greeted by a mass of furry dustball right outside my door. Freaking frustrating and disgusting can! Damn er xin!

I;m tempted to give up on camping... My finger is going to swell from all the clickings on the refresh button.

Electives fever!

I totally loathe camping in front of the computer hoping some random soul will drop his/her course which i want... ... I'm troubled by the fact that i'm elective-less. The new sem had already begun and i still haven't settled my courses and timetable yet! The feeling of uncertainty sucks.

SO, i shall appeal!

I'm appealing for malay 20104, BS 803 and another arts subject which i'm not too sure yet...

Reasons for appealing for malay:
I've become darker after ihgs. Based on past experiences, people would tend to mistake me as a malay after i've become darker. I'm so not kidding. I swear there were incidents of malay aunties speaking to me in malay or asking me for directions in malay when i was in sec sch. I hope i can have the chance to learn malay so that in future, when people speak to me in malay, i'll be able to answer and not look like an idiot with my lower jaw scraping across the floor, stunned and puzzled, don't know how to react appropriately.

In addition, i love to eat nasi lemak. i secretly habour this wish to be able to order the ingredients entirely in malay.

i actually though of saying this too...

My bf is a malay and i foresee myself marrying him in future. Hence, it's of paramount importance that i start learning malay NOW! Yes!! N-O-W!! So that i can communicate with his family and friends in future. My entire future happiness depends on this course. Please help grant my wish!

i actually did think of appealing for jap too. i have even thought of what to say...

reasons for appealing for jap:
i have this VCD titled 'spirited away'. it's in japanese. even though there are subtitles but you know sometimes, the meaning is lost through translations. I hope i can learn japanese so that i can understand the show and not rely on subtitles.

Guess what. I've been to japan before! I miss the food there! the amazingly soft and fluffy pastries. The delicious creamy ice cream. The fresh and mouth watering sashimi. I may migrate to that place in future. So, i hope i can start learning japanese now to facilitate my transition into the country.

This is so hair-tearing-ish!!

I thought i didn't take any pictures with a christmas tree last year. Lo and behold... Alvin sent me the pics... They said i look like tourist in this pic

Can't believe it's back to school time! i had butt pain just by sitting still for two hours during lecture... Gosh!!

Today's my second time seeing a komodo dragon within NTU.

New sem, new start, must jiayou and buck up! Cheers!

I'm so not ready for sem 2!!! *ARGH!!* Like which homo sapien will look forward to a new sem? Maybe some mutated ones but i DEFINITELY DON'T belong to that league.

oh well... i have no choice but to take it in my stride. I have to be more consistent and conscientious this sem. No more procrastinations and slacking. i've slacked too much for the previous sem, did a lot of last minute chionging, got myself all screwed up and therefore my results suck. I have to keep reminding myself things are different now. Last minute studying won't do any good to me. I cannot adopt the same mentality or behaviour i once had in jc and sec school- slack from the beginning then mugged like mad at the last minute. Plus, i personally think that the syllabus is so freaking tough now... i'm terrified really. Just by looking at different types of unicellular organisms alone is sufficient to send chills down my spine. Memorise memorise memorise...

This is what i'll be learning next sem:

BS 106-Biochemistry 2 metabolism
BS 107-Principles of genetics
BS 108-Molecular Biology
BS 109-Basic Cell Biology
BS 812-Lab

I have an ominous feeling just by looking at the names ... I really hope i can cope better this coming sem but somehow i have this nagging negative feeling... The pessimistic me that is pulling my emotions down... or perhaps this is what experts would describe as 'inferiority complex'?

Well!! If i can't rid myself of the pessimistic gloomy views, how on earth am i supposed to buck up? I just have to be conscientious. Revise every week, focus, stone less, study the textbooks diligently,review my notes. OK... relax hazel...I can do it!!!

In the meantime, i shall fill myself optimism for this sem. Even though i don't have any electives and i think it's a perfect waste of time to make me list down my choices since in the end, i still didn't get any elective, i shall not let it bother me too much. Hey! i'm trying hard not to be sarcastic... And my timetable sucks... but i'm beaming with optimism still...

Since i believe i can do it, i can!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!

It's true that in life, one doesn't need a lot of friends. Just a few good friends will do. And i'm glad i do have such few good friends. I'm blessed. :)

I'm stuck in hall and i'm bored... SEE THE CONTRAST OF OUR SKINS!! ARGH!! i'm jealous of Chan Mali!!

Anyway, i'm back in hall because i'll be having jcrc meeting at 8 pm later. Besides that, i have done something meaningful which was to clean up my room...

super messy table

not to mention, the dust...

Sian!!
neater... yay!

My room smells clean and sterilised thanks to dettol. i'm so proud of myself. I cleaned my cupboard, sort my clothes, bras, underwear nicely. wiped my table, packed my stuff, packed all my damn disgusting notes into one large black plastic bag. sprayed my entire bed with febreze, changed my bedsheet and mopped the floor. I rock! yay!

Since i have nothing better to do, i shall come up with a mock new yr's resolutions solely for entertainment... haha!

my mock new yr resolutions

• Lose weight (i think i more likely to gain weight instead. Haha!)
• become a neat freak (i've been trying that for yrs...)
• drink papaya milk everyday so that i can increase in cup size (the bigger the better! XD)
• become an ambassador for demure
• become a vegetarian ( i rather die...)
• do 200 situps everyday so that i can achieve a svelte figure
• culture more brain cells in lab and implant into my own brain
• DO NOT sleep/stone during lectures (think i'll take 1001 years to master that)
• get married and have children (HAHAHAHAHA!!)
• seduce a rich tycoon and become a tai tai (SW is gg to kill me...)
• cut down on my intake of pocky (must as well die...)

Dinner time! Bye! take a break from my nonsense...

According to today's issue of 'Mind your body', experts said that feeling nostalgic is actually beneficial to our health. 'depending on how it is embraced, they say nostalgia can be a healthy emotion that buffers people from loneliness and eases them through hard times.'

2009 had just started and i've already starting to miss 2008. i'm thankful for all the wonderful and unhappy memories of 2008...

Spent the first quarter of the year 2008 working. i used to dread working every single day because it's yawn-inducing and time moves like a trickle. I spent most of my time glancing at the clock, wishing hard for time to pass more quickly. When i was working, i missed school life. Not that i missed the studying aspect but more of my friends.we used to sit around the gleaming circular metallic table in the canteen and talk nonsense. Remember how the rattan chairs in the canteen used to give us rashes... haha!!

spent the second quarter of the year slacking at home and of course, pondering over which university to go. Initially wanted to take psychology in NUS but the fear of unknown held me back... Psychology is such a new thing to me. Of course, i had reasons for my own hesitation. Had a hard time deciding over which school to go to. It is through elimination method that i decided to take biological sciences. For the love of bio!! Ya..right... *rolls my eyes* but i was generally living like a pig at home. eat, sleep, watch tv, play computer. it was enjoyable... I'm missing that sort of life. Which explains why i got my chin chin aka double chin.

Since we were recommended into hall 14, it was mandatory for us to attend FOC. I remember dreading going for FOC, complaining about it because i know during FOC will definitely do a lot of crazy stupid things which i don't like. Now that i think of it, i'm glad i had attended FOC because from there, i had made many friends which kind of ease the transition into hall's life. i think FOC is more effective than any fad diet la... lost weight during that one week. Due to lack of sleep and the physically intensive activities like amazing race... haha! i was labelled the 'forfeit queen' cause i'll always be stoning/my reactions freaking slown thus always kena forfeited. And, there were many freaking embarrassing things i had done during FOC.

I can't remember exactly how i joined the DnD comm with my roomie. That should be how i got to know SW... if i'm not wrong... :P ( my memory sucks i know...) Somehow again, i managed to pluck up the courage to join JCRC even though i loathe campaigning because generally, i'm shy. even though i don't appear so but please do not judge a book by its cover. a person who appears brave may be doing so to mask his fears. the same reason applies to me. And god knows what retarded things i've said on stage for the QnA session. I have no wish to recall... by some twist of fate, SW also joined JCRC and that's how we got to know each other better. right? ( i rock. now i'm questioning myself...)

i remember roomie and i were gossiping in our room like what all other normal girls will do. roomie was browsing through some photos taken during orientations and she was introducing to me all her seniors. her cursor hovered over SW and she told me 'that's songwei' and i mentioned something like 'he's quite cute.' ( i bet SW will be damn happy if he reads this. some kind of bestest new yr gift ever.) don't know why i said that and why am i even blogging about this? oh ya... i'm reminiscing... from friends to more than friends... haha!

i remember the mid autum festival. The unforgettably funny chinese dance. Celebrating alvin's bday up at ADM. Romantic, touching, nice. I remember the beautiful lantern displays at chinese garden. That's when i asked the question much to my own surprise. (where on earth did i get the courage?)

Did i forget to mention about the greatest softball team ever? Team 14's softballers! Our 'never say die' and gracious attitude already proved that we're winners! Great job guys!

2008 wasn't entirely smoothsailing... had my bouts of emoness... Thankfully, i had lucky stars to by my side to support me.

Thanks to mingyan and alvin. both of them are the informed ones who will tell and remind me the things to be done. Without them guiding and helping me, i would have suffered a horrible death in ntu. i'm a blur mootood. a big thank you to them for their support and encouragements and all the fun and laughters.

Thank you huichan for being my listening ear, for encouraging me when i'm down, for being there for me. With that, i shall allow you to continue to suan me...

Thank you mel for sharing the truths and also being there for me. really appreciate the help and advice given frm you. Love u loads and jiayou! i'll always be there for u too!

And my delphi friends too. motivating and helping each other! delphi rocks!

Thanks to mummy for being there, never giving up on me, for her love and care and accompanying me without complaints even though it was 4 am in the morning. Mummy told me that it hurts her to see me struggling like this and for looking tired and pale most of the time. her voice kind of broke when she said that and my heart pained as well...i'm sorry for making her worried. I love my mummy!

Thanks to SW who is always there for me! It means a lot to me. My new year resolution is to become tougher and stronger but i've decided to scrape the idea. If i become stronger, you won't be able to act as my hero... HAHAHAHA!! (i can picture you rolling your eyes now) ok la... i love you!! :)

i didn't attend any countdown party this time round. I dislike the crowds. haha! but the fireworks were really spectacular and the i guess it's not as nice as shown on tv. Maybe next year, i shall go join a countdown party. Nevermind the crowd. Just to bask in the atmosphere.


Happy New Year!!